The Obama Flu

Rush Limbaugh today explained that the swine flu epidemic occurred precisely because of our failure to elect John McCain. Limbaugh pointed out that we'd had no such epidemics for the last eight years, and that clearly the new administration had dropped the ball by failing to erect an airproof wall separating us from Mexico. Furthermore, it hadn't even established an embargo.

Over at Fox and Friends, several good-looking young hosts speculated as to what exactly it was Obama meant when he made that lipstick on a pig remark. Sure, it made headlines for a few days, but could it be he'd only put the lipstick on the pig so as to slip it past customs? After all, lots of people are the same color as pigs, so with a little sunhat who'd know the difference?

Bill O'Reilly stated he was keeping an open mind, but you had to admit schools weren't closed and cleaned when President Bush was in office. Hannity said it was most definitely Obama's fault, and to be fair and balanced, asked Colmes to present his side, momentarily forgetting that Colmes was no longer actually on the show.

Idiots and Bullies

Those are the kind of people who hit children. But in North Carolina, many of them seem to have found employment as teachers. Now, for the first time, parents will be able to opt their kids out of corporal punishment. Some wanted to ban it entirely. But the idiot lobby has apparently held firm, and are going to allow people who can't imagine a better alternative to continue hitting children.

We're studying The Good Earth in a few of my classes, and there's a scene where the protagonist watches an old teacher sleeping at a desk. Then the old teacher wakes up and smacks a kid, and the protagonist determines this is truly a worthy pedagogue. One of the kids asked me what I'd think of a teacher hitting my kid.

"That would be one dead teacher," I said.

The kid pressed me about whether I meant it literally, and I amended my statement to, "OK, that would be one ex-teacher."

Honestly, I don't hit my own kid, so what right do I have to hit anyone else's? I think as a teacher or parent it behooves you to coldly calculate revenge in the most evil and insidious manner. Losing your temper is tantamount to losing altogether, and hitting is even worse.

Now my dad used to hit me sometimes, but every time he did I went out and committed an atrocity. I'm not sure that was what he intended, but it's not what I want for any kid in my charge. I want to make it as inconvenient as possible to mess with me, for both my child and my students, and that requires thought, not violence.

Self-defense may be one thing. But other than that, anyone who needs to hit kids is unfit to teach, plain and simple. And teachers, from North Carolina or elsewhere, who hit kids ought to be shipped off to prison, where they can meet other like-minded individuals.

59

Arlen Specter has become a Democrat.

Can't Everyone Spell?

Apparently not, and it's making for problems over at Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg.

Get Healthy, America!

President Barack Obama has sorely disappointed me on education, largely by pursuing the path he said he'd pursue during the campaign. While I can't express any enthusiasm for his misguided appointments and plans, I can at least console myself that his opponent's plans were far worse.

Nonetheless, there are other issues of importance to Americans, teachers included, and one of the most egregious failures of our society has been that of providing health care for our citizens. On this front, President Obama may have a much better approach, avoiding the GOP filibuster before they even get a chance. In short, he can insert health care proposals into the budget resolution, which requires only a majority vote.

Poll after poll has shown that Americans are very worried about their health insurance. People are afraid to quit jobs they hate because they are worried they won't be able to get health insurance after their COBRA coverage expires. The core of the problem, of course, is the insurance companies' desire not to insure anyone who is sick or likely to become sick. All other industrialized countries solve this problem through laws saying that health insurance companies must offer a standard policy at a standard price to anyone who asks for one. Cherrypicking good customers is illegal everywhere except the U.S. To prevent young healthy people from going uninsured util they suddenly get sick and then applying for insurance, other countries make carrying health insurance mandatory, the same way most states in the U.S. mandate that car owners have accident insurance on their cars.

The Democrats and Republicans differ hugely on their views about cherrypicking and mandates. Any bill the Democrats came up with containing both of these items would be filibustered to death in the Senate. However, now that Senate Democrats (with Obama's blessing) have decided to make health care reform part of the reconciliation bill, the Republicans will not be able to filibuster it. This will make them absolutely furious--even though George Bush used the reconciliation process himself on a number of occasions.

There are some interesting assertions there. One is the mandate that all citizens carry insurance. I'm not sure whether that's entirely true, as most health insurance is government-run. But the preclusion of "cherry-picking" would certainly benefit Americans. Perhaps it's true that this would cut into the profits of companies who wish to insure only people who won't get sick. But not-for-profit companies like GHI-HIP, or Emblem Health, have managed to do well despite having to actually cover existing illnesses. That's one more reason to vehemently oppose its efforts to convert itself into a "for-profit" entity, no matter how much cash its IPO would net the UFT patronage mill.

If President Obama manages to improve our health care system it will be a monumental achievement. I, for one, will stand up and applaud, at least until Arne Duncan spouts some new unfounded nonsense about how subverting public schools will help our children.

Problem Solved

President Obama is concerned about the shortage of doctors, particularly primary care physicians. Clearly it's time to take bold action, as NYC did during the teacher shortage. Brilliant NY Times columnist Nicholas Kristoff wonders:

Suppose Colin Powell tires of giving $100,000-a-pop speeches and wants to teach high school social studies. Suppose Meryl Streep has a hankering to teach drama.

Suppose they want to be MDs. Why should they have to jump through hoops and go through all that bureaucratic nonsense? Why not let them get to work right away? They can begin working on folks like Kristoff, who think it requires no training or background to get in front of 34 kids at a time and teach them. Let's give folks like Mr. Kristoff precisely the sort of options he wants for our kids.

I'm pretty sure Meryl Streep could easily act the part of a doctor, though I'm not sure one way or the other about Colin Powell. In any case, I hope Dr. Streep and Dr. Powell work out for Nick Kristoff. Me, I'm sticking with my regular MD, the one who went to medical school and has a license. I don't want to be a doctor myself, but in the spirit of giving, if Mr. Kristoff needs a lawyer I'd be willing to take a whack at it. I have a suit the same color as Ben Matlock's, and that ought to be good enough for anyone.

What a Bunch of Babies

Parents in Belle Harbor are upset about the toxic environment in the special needs annex at PS 256. Apparently the mold and asbestos is having negative effects on their children, as well as those who worked at the school:

"He's been getting rashes on his face, fungus in his head, he's had cellulitis in his knees," said parent Katrina Inerhunwunwa. "He went from being a child with no asthma to being a child with active asthma," Gilmartin said. "I was having allergic reactions rashes. I was getting sties in my eye. I kept losing my voice," said Susan Lombardo, former school nurse.

Now sure, it's inconvenient to be sick all the time. But big picture issues, like opening new sports stadiums and charter schools, are seriously jeopardized when Mayor Mike needs to divert valuable tax dollars toward decent facilities for public schools. The CFE lawsuit brought hundreds of millions to improve conditions for kids and Tweed has repeatedly requested the option of using the money to do whatever the hell it likes.

Now, because these parents are worried about the health of their children, there may be one fewer charter school in the city. This is the price you have to pay when parents' voices are heard. That's why the folks at Tweed work assiduously to subvert their demands, particularly when they demand reasonable conditions for their kids, like class size reductions or avoidance of toxic waste sites.

Sure, you parents can humiliate the Mayor for his indifference to the welfare of your children. Sure, you can take him to court and make him look like he values stadiums and charters more than the schools your kids attend. But even if that is true, answer me this--how are charter moguls like Eva Moskowitz going to clear even a paltry half a mil per annum if folks like you keep getting in the way?

Thanks to Schoolgal

What Kind of Teacher Does Tweed Want?

Chaz has a few ideas.

The Birthday Gift

George W. Bush was feeling a little down, what with the his polls in the toilet and everything. Laura decided to buy him an Iphone to cheer him up.

"With this doohicky, I can call you from anywhere?" asked George.

"Of course you can, George," Laura assured him.

"And I can get on the internets, too?" he asked.

"Yes George. Also there are games, and you can store photos, and do all kinds of things. I've stored my number so you can call me from wherever you are."

"Thanks, Laura," said GW. "This is the bestest birthday ever!"

A few hours later, Laura's phone rang. She picked up.

"Hi Laura. It's me, W. I'm calling you from the freeway. This thing is just great. Thanks again."

"Oh, George, be careful. I just heard on the news there's a lunatic driving the wrong way on the freeway."

"One lunatic?" said George. "Why, there are hundreds of 'em.

Super Teachers

Could you be one? Could you sustain it? Ms. Eyre points out that even the much-hyped subject of Freedom Writers had to quit.

Ms. Weingarten Takes a Firm Stand

Part-time UFT President Randi "Everything's on the table except vouchers" Weingarten was very much against the DoE using test results to determine which teachers do or do not get tenure. This very much vexed Mayor Mike and all the Tweedies, who felt the state tenure laws were inadequate. After all, for thirty years the city had pretty much granted tenure to anyone who drew breath, so the solution, rather than simply enforce existing tenure laws (which work OK in my neck of the woods), was to change the law altogether.

It couldn't possibly be the mayor's fault Joel Klein went to Albany and begged for the right to hire or retain 14,000 city teachers who failed a basic competency test, some dozens of times. Accountablity only applies to unionized employees, so there must be something wrong with the existing system. Ms Weingarten took quite a bit of flack for resisting that train of thought. It's well-known she's a new kind of labor leader, not one of those cigar-chomping anachronisms always demanding higher pay and better working conditions. And for goodness sake, if she can get by on a piddling 350K plus perks, why should anyone complain about trying to make ends meet?

So now, Ms. Weingarten is trying to get a discussion going about using test scores to determine tenure. After all, the UFT contract expires next October, and why not get started with the givebacks ASAP? I believe after we gave up UFT transfers, days in August, a planning period, 30 minutes a day, the right to avoid lunch and potty patrol, the right to grieve letters in the file, the right to not be suspended without pay based on unsubstantiated allegations, and whatever else she tossed Chancellor Klein over the years, Ms. Weingarten and her patronage mill committed to keeping UFT HQ open an extra hour a week, so that they could do even more of whatever it is they do there.

Perhaps after she sacrifices the newbies, to whom she already broke the promise of 25/55 (for them it's 27/55), she can keep the office open another half hour. Patronage employees are always willing to do more of whatever it is they do, and after all, they're always building up those UFT pensions, you know, the second pensions we lowly teachers have the rare honor of supporting.

What other givebacks do you suppose Ms. Weingarten has up her sleeve?

All the News that Fits

This morning's New York Times reports that the Panel for Educational Policy is not much of a check on Mayor-for-life Michael Bloomberg's power. A lot of people made this observation after the mayor fired several members for not planning to vote his way. That was three or four years ago, if I'm not mistaken.

I'm gonna skip over to the music section now to see if Duran Duran is still hungry like the wolf.

Men Are Not Very Deep

I walked into my department office yesterday right in the middle of a speech by one of my young unmarried colleagues. She was insisting that it's often the woman's fault men cheat on them. If women took care of themselves, if they got new clothes now and again, if they stopped focusing on everyone else...

"Men who want to cheat will cheat on the most beautiful women in the world," I announced.

"You shut up, Mr. Educator," suggested one of my female colleagues. "It's not your turn."

"So here's the thing," the young woman continued, "Women are always thinking about everyone else. They don't worry about themselves. If you give a woman a bunch of money and send her to a mall, she'll walk around and say, look, there's a suit, and it's on sale for $5oo. Then she'll buy it for her husband. Then she'll see baby clothes and say oh my gosh, those are beautiful. She'll get them too. Then she'll get something for the other kids, and by the time she's finished, she'll get herself a pretzel and that will be the end of it."

"It's because we think about everyone. We think deeply. Men aren't like that."

"I wonder what the pretzel symbolizes," mused another of my colleagues.

I wandered away to scratch myself.

Everyone in the Pond!

The Wall Street Journal recently featured an article which, among other things, explained just how tough it was to get by on $400,000 a year. In fact, some people make as little as a quarter-mil per annum, and their taxes may actually go up under the diabolical schemes being concocted by Barack Obama and his band of merry men (and women).

Some of them cannot afford vacation homes, and some of their Infinitis are over ten years old. Not only that, but these people actually have to pay to send their kids to college! Naturally, I'm outraged. Of course, I too will have to pay to send my kid to college, but as I make a whole lot less money than any of these folks, it will be much easier.

The people who really have it good, according to the WSJ, are the "lucky duckies" who pay no tax at all. Boy, if only I were making $12,000 a year as a Walmart associate, I could qualify. Woo-hoo! No more taxes.

Personally, I don't mind doing my bit and paying for my community, for education, for roads, for every opportunity this country has afforded my family. And I wouldn't mind paying for health care, like every other industrialized country does. Still, I feel the pain of those poor folks making two, three, and four times my income. And my feeling is this--if they feel an extra 3% is beyond the pale, let them take that job at Subway, at Walmart, at KFC, and live like the "lucky duckies."

As for the assets that encumber them so, that subject them to this unacceptable abuse, the root of all evil, I suggest they donate them to the government, off whose largess they'll be sponging. Or better yet, they can donate to my school, which needs 50 more classrooms.

After all, if the Wall Street Journal thinks it's a good idea, who am I to argue?

The Best of All Possible Worlds

Joanne Jacobs points to a survey that says teachers today like teaching more nowadays than in the past, and reasonably concludes, "I guess the happy teachers are the quiet teachers."

I'm one of the biggest complainers I know, though, and I love teaching. Teaching makes for very little of what I complain about--you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't recall the last time I complained about teaching.

Now the people who run the city school system, the people who reflexively vilify those of us who do the actual work, and the people who've barely set foot in a public school but fancy themselves experts---they're another thing entirely.

America Stands Up

In these troubled times, it's hard to know what to do next. The stock market is in the toilet and our tax money is going to bail out companies that engaged in reckless speculation and simply can't be allowed to lose money. Naturally, were you or I to lose money in such reckless speculation we'd simply sleep on park benches, so it would be no problem at all.

But communities in Missouri and Kentucky have zeroed in on the real problem in America: baggy pants. To show they mean business, they're prepared to fine offenders a thousand bucks, or even give them 90 days in the hoosegow.

I'm glad to see that our neighbors are finally standing up to this menace, and I for one hope that Mayor Michael Bloomberg gets on the case, just as soon as he finishes closing all those nasty public schools.

Thank Goodness for Private Insurance Companies

Of course, there are many reasons we should be grateful. The thoughtful and reflective individual at left offers but one point of view (though I personally was not aware Mr. Frank was a medical doctor, let alone the questionable quality of the services he appears to offer). The United States now stands alone among industrialized countries as the last bastion against that awful universal health coverage that's infected our neighbors. Thank heavens for that:

An Oklahoma man who lost an eye and a leg in Iraq says the giant insurance company AIG refused to provide him a new plastic leg and fought to keep from paying for a wheelchair or glasses for the eye in which he has 30 percent vision.

It's an honor to bail out AIG, as I suppose they're finally showing precisely what they're going to save money on. And regularly enlisted soldiers ought to know that President Obama, like his predecessors, doesn't plan to waste federal money on making sure they get VA coverage either. Not only can't we cover everyone, like most countries, but we can't even cover those who've risked their lives fighting our wars.

Nonetheless, we've got billions to bail out insurance companies that nickel and dime us over whether or not they should provide us the coverage they actually get paid for.

And if you like the way AIG protects its profits, just wait until GHI-HIP is allowed to convert to "for-profit" status. Part-time UFT President Randi Weingarten thinks that's a great idea, but wants to make sure her patronage mill gets a sufficient portion of the IPO before throwing her support behind it.

So finally, we city workers can have the sort of private insurance our neighbors have. Lucky us. If you run into Ms. Weingarten, don't hesitate to thank her in advance.

Better Think Twice...

...before buying plastic pizza from Domino's. It may not be 100% plastic.

To Serve You Better

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg is cutting tutoring for elementary kids who have reading problems. This is a good thing, because as long as papers keep reporting the things the "education mayor" actually does, there is always the danger people may read about them. The fewer city residents who actually know how to read, the better the chances Mayor Bloomberg can buy their votes in the election he enabled by overturning term limits.

Furthermore, the less education people have, the better they'll be able to accommodate the ever-increasing need for low-wage, no-benefit 200-hour-a-week employees. Someone's got to do those jobs, and teaching people how to read just doesn't help at all.

Maybe that's what the mayor is talking about on those jobs, jobs, jobs ads he's running on TV.

Let it not be said this administration lacks a long-term vision.

Children First

Billionaire Mayor-for-life Michael Bloomberg is not just some windbag spending petty millions on TV commercials that promote him as a regular guy. To prove this, his innovative programs to help working New Yorkers continue. Just recently, to serve them better, he closed all the kindergartens in city day care centers. And now, to help out even more, he's going to raise class sizes in existing kindergartens.

That means we can wedge even more kids into kindergartens that already have the highest class sizes in the state. But even now, naysayers are raising their cynical concerns:

"This is totally unacceptable to me," City Council Education Committee head Robert Jackson (D-Manhattan) told reporters.

"I did not work for almost 20 years pushing the Campaign for Fiscal Equity case to get extra money to reduce class size to sit idly by and watch us move backward."

Naturally, that's nonsense. Although Mayor Bloomberg certainly accepted hundreds of millions, if not billions, to reduce class sizes, the fact is those dollars offset the cost of sports stadiums that accommodate important people willing to spend 2500 clams to see the Yankees. Shouldn't they have good seats, even if your children do not? After all, your kids don't pay 2500 bucks a day to sit in class.

In any case, there are always trailers, closets, and toxic waste sites available for your kids, and learning under those conditions will build character. And, of course, you can always play the charter school lottery, and you may even luck out and get a place for your kid in a class of 17 students, with a real classrooom and everything. You gotta be in it to win it.

Sure, the overwhelming majority of kids will be stuck in the public schools, with the oversized classes in trailers and bathrooms. But the rest of the system is in place to give huge salaries to folks like Eva Moskowitz, while promoting the kind of non-unionized workforce your kids can expect to be part of, with more work for less pay, no job protections, reduced benefits, and so much work they almost certainly won't last but a few years. This not only keeps salaries down, but also saves money for the important and inevitable renovation of sports stadiums for Mayor Bloomberg's buds.

So stop whining, work hard, and be nice.