Fair Notice

Over at Eduwonk's joint, he proposes that he and UFT bigshot Leo Casey hug it out. I've no word on whether or where this love-fest will actually take place, but in the spirit of generosity and support, I'd like to arrange to record the proceedings.

(And if either of them should write or say anything that remotely gets on my nerves, I'll make them watch the video. That'll show 'em.)

Severe Mental Issues

That's a lawyer's defense for a teacher accused of having sex with a former student and his cousin. He says the teens exploited her.

Announcements

There are many reasons why I'll never be principal. I used to think it was simply because I had no principal's license. On the other hand. Chancellor Klein doesn't have on either. As he's gotten pretty far, that's no longer an issue.

Today, though, I realized that making announcements would be impossible for me. I couldn't do it.

Here are a few announcements I would have made today:

Good morning.

Thank you, Ms. Grundy, for your recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance. First, I'd like to prohibit the use of "Oy" for the personal pronoun "I." Now I don't know anyone in this building who does that, but there's a radio personality I know of who does it constantly. Frankly, it really, really irritates me, so let's dispense with that immediately.

Our next issue is the use of the phrase, "I am agree," from both native and non-native speakers of English. This phrase is also strictly prohibited, and anyone using it will be required to paint the flagpole top to bottom without the use of a ladder.

Finally, this morning I had the distinct displeasure of reading an essay about The Preal by "Stein Johnbeck." It was largely based on a 2001 film that tacked on a happy ending to a classic American novel. This film is now banned in our building, and any teacher who shows it will get a letter in the file, as well as endless unreasonable harassment from yours truly, along with anyone else I can persuade or intimidate into dispensing it.

Also, as everyone knows, Mr. Morris is a card-carrying NEA member with many T-shirts to match. At my personal request, he has agreed to shoot the director of this awful film if he ever encounters him on or near our campus. Mr. Morris will get first crack at all no-show per-session positions for the rest of the year.

The Library

"What are you doing after school?"

"Well, a bunch of us are planning to meet at the library at about 3:30."

"How long will you be there? I might be a little late."

"Well, we usually stay till it closes."

"I saw Mr. Benchley Saturday morning. He looked like he'd been doing a lot of studying Friday night."

"Yes, Mr. Benchley studies more than just about anyone. His eyes are still red, as a matter of fact."

"Reading will do that to ya. Does Ms. Radcliffe go to the library? I never seem to see her there."

"Oh, you'd like to study with her?"

"Yes I've always wanted to study with her."

"Well, she was at the library last week. As a matter of fact, she took out a book."

"A book? Really?"

"Yes, right before closing time. And I hear she's been reading this book all week."

"All week, huh?"

"That's what I hear."

"What about Ms. Wallace?"

"She'll be at the library tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Ms. Wallace loves the library. I just spoke to her and she's definitely planning to be there. So are you gonna come and study with us?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. See you there."

"OK. Three thirty. Or as soon as you can make it."

Mr, Klein Hangs Tough

One of the key problems with mayoral control is that there's no one whatsoever to speak for kids. Joel Klein, a political appointee who serves at the whim of Mayor Mike, can protest from here to doomsday if the state reduces aid. Unfortunately, when the city does the same, he can't criticize the mayor at all. Fortunately, the City Council is doing the job Mr. Klein is supposed to do.

Mayor Mike has money for sports teams owned by billionaires, but when it comes to kids, well, when it's time to walk the plank, it's "Children First."

What a disgrace that an administration that talks so much about accountability consistently refuses to take any whatsoever, blaming the state for it's own choices. What a disgrace that the administration responsible for a huge reduction in the CFE award pointedly tries to avoid using it for quality education and reduction of the highest class sizes in the state.

Honestly, I don't know how they sleep at night.

Go to the Carnival!

It's over at Ms. Bluebird's place.

No Gym for You!

So sez Mayor Mike to kids in the Bronx. As part of its "all-reform, all the time" agenda, there's neither programs nor space for physical activity. An important aspect of mayoral control is allowing the mayor to do whatever he feels like, whenever he feels like it, and if the mayor feels like saving a few bucks on physical education, well, that's the way it is.

According to city health statistics, the Bronx has the highest obesity rate of all the boroughs, with about 42% of elementary school students considered overweight or obese.

All over the Bronx, people are shouting, "We're number one!" And Mayor Mike's Tweedies are helping to ensure they stay that way.

The Bronx has been on the receiving end of a number of Mr. Bloomberg's "reforms," including his all-trailer academy, which didn't have a gym (or a cafeteria) either. As you may know, Mr. Bloomberg promised to rid the city of its ubiquitous trailers by 2012. Mr. Bloomberg has since clarified that statement. As part of the "reform" agenda, he actually won't get rid of them by 2012.

Thus, Bronx students will be able to view them daily while they're not going to gym.

Doh!

Well, maybe there are reasons why the whole world (except Mayor Mike) puts one school in one building. Maybe there are reasons to build new schools, instead of sports stadiums.

Maybe it's not necessary to fill every last inch of every building, and maybe it's not a good idea to have the highest class sizes in the state. Maybe 100% capacity is enough. Maybe, if schools are at less than 100% capacity, we should allow room for extra students, rather than dumping charter schools into every available space.

And maybe putting up partitions, having 5 schools in a building, having 5 sets of administrators, and 5 sets of rules is not the ideal situation. In fact, maybe it's not optimal to have more than one school per building. Maybe with multiple schools, there could be conflicts or rivalries.

Maybe kids of different ages should not be placed in the same building. Maybe they have different needs.

Or maybe we should just ignore all that, and move on full-speed ahead with the "reform" agenda.

Walking the Hallowed Halls

Joanne Jacobs writes about an endless debate--should you be nice to kids or follow the "Don't smile until Christmas" method?

It's tough to say. Actually, I'd say you need to treat different kids differently. I'm always nice to kids who are cooperative, but I'll go out of my way to make life inconvenient for anyone who gives me a hard time. Kids need to know there are consequences for their actions in school, both positive and negative, and whatever it takes, it's our job to make sure they do.

She then makes a point comparing public schools to a charter she started, which got me thinking:

When I was reporting for Our School, which is about a turnaround charter school aimed at underperforming Mexican-American students, kids always said, “Teachers here care about me.” They were willing to care if they perceived the teachers cared. Teachers were strict in demanding good behavior and hard work, but the kids saw that as caring. It’s a lot harder to create that dynamic in a large school that lacks a unifying mission.

Here's how I responded:

It may indeed be harder, but it’s absolutely necessary to control your classes. The “don’t smile until Christmas” is an exaggeration, but you need to show kids there are consequences for what they do.

I don’t think I could stand coming to work if I didn’t have control over my classes. But controlling the class is one way to show that you care. Honestly, until you do that, there isn’t much else positive that can happen in any class.

I still feel that way, but I started thinking a lot about the concept of a "unifying mission." Unifying mission or no, I'd probably manage my classes very similarly. But as I walk down the halls of our crammed to the rafters building, I often observe the deans telling kids to take their hats off, turn off their radios, and straighten up and fly right. The kids, walking right in front of me, move about ten feet before putting their hats back on, turning on their radios, unstraightening themselves and flying incorrectly.

Now I'm rushing to class, and I honestly have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with these kids, none of whom I remotely know. My experience in hall patrol has taught me that what the AP Security's office most desires is to be left alone, and that they're unlikely to issue even a slap on the wrist to anyone I bring in. So honestly, why should I bother?

If the administration were willing to strongly enforce its rules, and back up teachers who help, it would be one thing. But in the real world, I'll deal with the kids in my class, all of whom know their problems in my class will follow them home, due to my efforts (and those of a loose team of translators I've assembled through the years).

Personally, I like teaching in a regular public school. But while the chancellor cries that all incidents must be reported, merit-pay for principals hinges on as few of them seeing the light of day as possible.

And while I may control things in my saloon, once the customers step outside those swinging doors, it's the Wild West all over again.

Risk Your Life..

...but we can't risk paying for your education. So say GW and his protege, John McBush.

Throw the Book at Her

A long time ago, a guidance counselor told me that in New York State, parents who failed to come to school when summoned could be charged with parental neglect. Hmm...I thought--that would be a useful addition to the various threats and insinuations I could make when I call homes. Still, in the 20 years since I've heard about it, I've never actually had to resort to it.

But it is used, apparently. In Mr Bloomberg's New York, who is it used against?

Bronx HS of Science senior Michel Dussack has a "B" average, an 1890 SAT score and an almost full college scholarship for the fall.

But Dussack's mother was accused of "educational neglect" two weeks ago and was reported to the city's child-services agency - because she missed a scheduled meeting to discuss her son possibly failing gym.

Wow. What a terrible mother, allowing her son to fail gym. That must be the worst offense these administrators had ever heard of. Not only that, but Michael had eight unexcused absences. Naturally, they were horrified. And what excuse did the mom offer?

The nonconsecutive days were for family deaths and illnesses, and his mom said she knew about them.

You'd think people would have the courtesy to get sick and die on vacation days. Apparently that's what the administration expected them to do.

Sources at the department told The Post that since the case of Nixzmary Brown, who was absent 46 times in one school year and killed in January 2006 by her abusive stepfather, school officials have been encouraged to enforce the absence policy strictly.

Doesn't it behoove those "sources," then, to keep an eye out for kids with such serious problems, rather than harassing parents whose kids are doing relatively well?

Problem Students?

Why not wrestle them to the ground? That'll show 'em. Don't miss the video.

Feeling Lazy?

Here's your chance to earn five thousand bucks a month for lying in bed.

Whatever I Want

That's what NYC Schools Chancellor Joel Klein says he wants to do with the funds from the 13-year-long CFE lawsuit. Why should he have to reduce class sizes if he doesn't want to? Why should underperforming schools get more funds when the Chancellor can simply close them and open new ones? Who cares if kids have to get on a train or bus at 4 AM because their neighborhood school is now the Academy of the Dark Arts?

And Mr. Klein now blames the city budget cuts on the state. Accountability, the Bloomberg-Klein mantra, never applies to them. After all, despite mandates, they've utterly failed to reduce class sizes in NYC. Who can even take seriously the preposterous claims of class reduction by .2 students per class, or whatever it is they're claiming? Assembly speaker Sheldon Silver has a message for Mayor Mike, and calls his finger-pointing a smokescreen. And that's indeed what you can expect from Mayor Mike and his entire gang of "accountable" number-crunchers.

When Joel Klein doesn't like a contract he himself wrote and agreed to, he demands it be broken. When Joel Klein gets money earmarked to improve education, he demands it be used for whatever he feels like. When the state cuts money, Joel Klein cries foul, but when the city cuts it, Mr. Klein takes no responsibility whatsoever, since Mayor Bloomberg must be spending it on more important things. Some role model.

It's ostensibly the job of a schools chancellor to stand up for kids. It's regrettable that in this era of mayoral control, New York's 1.1 million schoolchildren have, instead, a rubber stamp.

Dress the Part

In NYC, there's no dress code for teachers. I don't have a problem with that. But when I started, I used to wear a tie every day. One day, in a mad rush to get out the door, I forgot to put the tie on, and the security guards wouldn't let me in the building. That's how young I looked when I started (Sadly, I don't have that problem anymore).

Since then, though, I've worn a tie pretty much every day. Eventually, I acquired a bunch of jackets to go with it, and began to look even more serious. A few years back, I stopped eating white sugar, switched to whole carbs, and lost 40 lbs. When I tried to buy new jackets, I found that I could buy suits for the same price or less. What the hell, I figured, and upgraded.

So now, with a bunch of suits in my closet, I've discovered that a lot of cool-looking people wear long-sleeve Ts with suits, and figured after 20 years, I could finally ditch the tie.

The kids said nothing. My supervisors couldn't care less. My principal said not one word. My wife didn't even notice. But one of my colleagues found it completely unacceptable.

"You have to wear a tie," she told me.

"Hardly anyone else does," I countered.

It doesn't matter," she replied. "You have to."

"But I have to get up early, and I'm in a hurry, and..."

"No excuses," she said. "You can't dress like that without a tie. That's my final word on the matter."

Why should I listen to her, I asked myself. She's not my boss. There's no way she's gonna tell me what to do.

Today, one of my students asked me, "How come you're wearing a tie every day?"

"Ms. Bright made me do it," I said, and added, "I'm a little afraid of her."

"We're afraid of her too," he said.

She's a very successful teacher, I think.

Today's Grievance

Comments do not seem to be registering consistently on the main page, and some may have been lost. I apologize. Haloscan, which runs the comments section, has been a little buggy the last few days.

The Carnival of Education is at...

...Teacher in a Strange Land. Where's this strange land, specifically? Right here.

Here Is Your Opinion

Well, it appears that the new English Regents extolled the virtues of filling bags with a flair, and also the great advantages of having leaders with no experience. After all, kids who aspire to fill bags need someone to look up to. And it looks as though they've found someone:

“Johhny the Bagger” has become an entire movement and is being used by corporations like McDonalds to ‘inspire’ their staff...

It's nice that we can inspire our children the same way Mickey D's does. After all, if we're going to feed them that vile food, we may as well inspire them to do sub-minimum wage work with panache. Even better, the exam tells the students which sides of arguments to take. No more of that time-consuming "agree or disagree." Take this side, kid, and that's it.

It really saves a lot of time and trouble when we tell kids what to think. Here are a few topics I'd suggest for the next big English test:

1. A lot of Americans are now losing their homes. Some of them are living in vans. Write a well-organized composition of about 300 words, and explain how living "on the road" can be big fun for a family of four.

2. In places like Wal-Mart, a lot of single parents can't afford to buy health insurance. When they get sick they have to go to emergency rooms. List a dozen fun ways to pass the time while waiting in an emergency room. Extra points for really cheery activities.

3. Presidential candidate John McCain wants to stop giving tax breaks to companies that provide health insurance for their employees. He'd rather give tax breaks to individuals and let them pay for it themselves. Give three reasons why this is better than the awful "socialized medicine" that people have in every other industrialized country in the world.

4. Mike has a contract with a bus company, and a contract with the teachers (Some of these teachers have experience, which is bad). The bus company wants to change its contract since the price of gas has exploded, and it's now losing money. Mike wants to change the contract with the teachers, since they get paid too much, and some of them have experience (which is bad). Explain why Mike should break the contract he made with the teachers (who are experienced, and therefore bad) and insist on keeping the contract with the bus drivers (who may have no experience driving buses at all, and are therefore better drivers).

Have you got any questions you'd like to propose for the NYS Regents Exam?

Clarification: This question did not appear on the English Regents exam--it was on the recently given component retest.

Failing to Plan?

Or planning to fail?

NYC hasn't got enough seats for the kids it has now (except for new charter schools, for which, like the product in the picture, there's always room). Today's Daily News suggests the situation (for non-charters, of course) is only gonna get worse:

A new report predicts dramatic enrollment increases in Brooklyn schools - and adds that Department of Education officials have failed to plan for the new tidal wave of students.

"Parents have been complaining about overcrowding in [Public School] 24," said Teresa Lantigua, mother of 10-year-old Antonio Kee, a fifth-grader at the Sunset Park elementary school. "DOE needs to do . . . more."

Four of the five elementary schools in Sunset Park are crammed beyond capacity, the report by city Controller William Thompson found.

No new elementary or middle schools are planned, even though a nearly 5% enrollment increase is expected as soon as 2015.

Fortunately, the Tweedies say everything is just peachy. After all, why shouldn't more kids study in trailers and windowless closets? My students and I do it every day.

In Mr. Bloomberg's New York, kids don't need decent facilities unless they're in charter schools. When are those pushy parents gonna get with the program?

School Till Six?

Several schools are trying just that, plus adding four summer weeks--including the UFT Charter School.