Economic Progress

In case anyone hasn’t noticed, it’s getting tougher to get by in the US. Rent costs are going up, and a wage of 15.78 per hour is said to be the minimum for families who wish to avoid living in a tree.

The US minimum wage remains at $5.15, and has not increased since 1997.

The solution, according to our illustrious president? Huge tax cuts for those making over 300K a year. For folks in that category, apparently, inflation is important. If Steve Forbes is happy, everyone else must be too.

Many low-income people are forced to choose between paying rent, buying medicine, or providing books for their children, Bender said.
"How do people like that have holidays?" Bender asked. "They probably don't."

Here in NYC and its environs, you may have noticed, things cost more than in most of the country. What’s Mayor Bloomberg doing to help?

Watch for a new sports stadium near you.

Those Goshdarn Liberal Professors

Welcome to the United States, circa 2005. It's time again for David Horowitz to try to pass legislation ensuring that liberal bias does not continue to overly infect adademia. It turns out that many highly educated individuals tend to reject Republican politics.

You'd think they'd learn to appreciate gay-bashing, turning back the clock on women's rights, "intelligent design,"and economically crippling wars based on lies, but for some reason, they're not biting.

Thus far, Horowitz and his ilk have seen no need to legislate national health care or living wages for American citizens. It's a question of ethics.

They don't have any.

Bad News for Dieters

The world's smallest Christmas dinner has been sold on Ebay. It came with free pudding!

Just think of all the hours of exercise you'd have saved if you'd eaten that. What a fine example you could have set for your students.

In any case, it's important to teach culture as well, and everyone knows it's a long-established to wait till after New Year's before starting to eat like that.

Politics and Gas are Inseparable

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting pummeled by increasing energy costs. The “raise” that Randi and co. “negotiated” for us will pretty much be swallowed by them, and future increases will have me dipping into my old salary, the one that didn’t involve permanent building assignments and six classes for most high school teachers.

I just opened up my Keyspan bill and barely averted a massive coronary. As a result, I’m seated, catching my breath, and seriously looking into buying a Prius, or some other hybrid vehicle. Here’s an interesting site, for those contemplating the same.

Now you’ve probably heard that the US government grants tax breaks to buyers of Hummers and other gas-guzzling SUVs. (The logic behind that eludes me, but GW Bush is president, and I don’t understand that either.) Nonetheless, there are also tax breaks available to folks buying cars that do less, as opposed to more damage to our environment. The regulations are somewhat complicated, though.

The energy policy bill passed by Congress and signed by President George W. Bush earlier this year is destined to create a frustrating and idiotic situation for many buyers of popular, gas-saving hybrids next year. The problem is the unnecessarily complicated limits that federal lawmakers imposed on the new tax credits for hybrids and alternative-fuel vehicles…

To get the maximum estimated tax credit amount of about $3,000 for a Toyota Prius next year, buyers will have to take delivery of their new, fuel-efficient car between Jan. 1 and -- stick with me now -- the end of the quarter that follows the quarter in which Toyota sells and delivers its 60,000th hybrid. Let me repeat this: A buyer must buy, take possession and put into service his or her Prius during the correct calendar period, timing it to get the top tax credit.

Can you figure that out? It sounds as though you’ll be safe if you buy in the first quarter of January. But who knows?

Update: From USA Today:

Toyota forecasts that Priuses sold the first three quarters of 2006 will qualify for the full credit. Automakers who sell fewer hybrids will be able to entice buyers with the credit into 2007 or beyond.

Diesel cars, though many get great mileage, are not eligible for these credits. (Sorry, Instructivist.)

Happy Holidays...

...to you and yours, from the entire staff here at NYC Educator.

Who Needs English Only?

Here's yet another interesting multi-lingual sign. Perhaps you'd like to go out and celebrate the holidays with a nice "nutritious beef penis in pot," a "nutritious young pigeon casserole," or the apparently less nutritious "fish head casserole."

Those who argue for "English only" here in the US fail to appreciate that ignorance, often, is bliss. More importantly, they fail to appreciate that our policy of having no official language has resulted in English becoming the most popular second language in the history of the world.

Let the French have their academy of language, and prescribe which words people may and may not use. It's like prescribing which days it may rain, and despite their wishful thinking, it won't make French recover its lost status anytime soon.

For now, that honor belongs to American English, which has a longstanding policy of no legal interference, and 100% disregard as to where or whom it steals new words and expressions from. We have a vital and living language, unencumbered by bureaucracy or pedantry.

Still, we have to start watching our diets.

(via)

Don't Fret this Holiday Season

President Bush is on the job.

What he's doing I'm not exactly sure.

(via)

Ho Ho Ho

Today's Daily News reports that Chancellor Klein has lifted his ban on gifts to teachers costing more than five bucks. I'm greatly relieved, as I was dreading having to return that Mercedes convertible, not to mention the chateau in the Ozarks.

Seriously, what I really treasure from kids this time of year are handwritten cards and notes expressing appreciation for what I do in the classroom. They always beat the hell out of yet another bottle of cologne.

More Unity Wit and Wisdom

I recently posted a list of topics forbidden on Edwize, one being the transit strike. An anonymous poster, claiming to be a Unity hack, complained that I was too hard on Unity hacks, and that he made “FAR” less money than I did. I suggested teaching to this poster, since, apparently, it pays so well.

Here is the poster’s response:

NYC Educator or shall I call you Mr. Smarmy,You have no concept of the game of politics, and its complexity. (Not to mention how far reaching the Taylor Law really is. I'm sure you'd like the UFT to get entangled in the Taylor Law penalties for the TWU's strike...DUH.)

Do you see how clever that is? First, he calls me “Mr. Smarmy.” Can you see what he's doing? He’s saying that I’m smarmy, and is therefore calling me Mister Smarmy. It’s like you knew someone who was ugly, and called him Mister Ugly. Do you get it?

Then, the “Unity hack” boldly attempts to read my mind, stating that I’d like the UFT to pay Taylor Law penalties for the TWU’s strike. Not only that, but the poster demonstrates my ignorance that UFT members discussing the strike is unlawful. (Doubtless there are laws against discussing the UFT contract, or the lack of democracy within the union as well.) I must have been brainwashed by all that First Amendment stuff.

But the most devastating blow was yet to come. After the clever quip, and the clairvoyant episode, he cuts me to the quick, with the ultimate insult.

“DUH.”

Words fail me. No wonder these folks win all the elections.

Aside, of course, from a one-sided paper, a one-sided blog, denying the opposition access to mailboxes, and forbidding high school teachers to choose their own reps.

Taylor Law Cuts Both Ways

In case you haven’t heard, the strike’s over, for now at least. But the repercussions for the union are just beginning. They’re going to get socked with the provisions of the Taylor law. But what about the MTA?

According to Juan Gonzalez, they violated the Taylor Law as well.

City union leaders and state lawmakers keep trying to point that out. They say the MTA itself trampled a key provision of the Taylor Law by demanding that TWU President Roger Toussaint accept an inferior pension plan for future members of his union as a condition of a new labor contract.

Section 201 of the law clearly states that "no such retirement benefits shall be negotiated pursuant to this article, and any benefits so negotiated shall be void."

Oddly enough, the TWU is the only entity facing penalties. Why don’t MTA violations get reported in the media?

"If the governor is going to be a tough guy about the Taylor Law with the union, he should be tough as well on the law when it comes to the MTA," said Richard Brodsky, (D-Westchester), who is chairman of the Assembly committee that oversees the MTA.

And No Kissing Chancellors, Either!

For the World Cup in 2006, Germans are contemplating "no prostitution" signs. It's been tried elsewhere in Europe, and it seems to have made an impression. They anticipate fewer pros will be around, and fewer fans will be harrassing women.

It's too bad we can't strategically erect these signs around City Hall and UFT HQ. We could follow them up with "no bureaucracy" areas and signs around schools, but then we'd need to spend all the tax funds on kids, teachers, and school buildings.

Where would that leave our illustrious mayor? And the DOE? And the UFT leadership?

On a street corner, I guess.

Unity Asleep at the Switch Again

Unity tells us how lucky we are that we can no longer grieve letter in our files. The paid Unity hacks who write for Edwize will happily tell you that you’re somehow better off waiting until they accumulate enough of them to fire you before you should complain. While folks who don’t actually work for principals may be comfortable leaving real teachers to their good graces, there are those who’d disagree.

In an extraordinary column, NY Times education columnist Samuel Freedman exposes A Bully on the Wrong Side of the Principal's Desk.

Roberta Lehrman of Brooklyn Tech, a 17-year veteran, and by all accounts an exemplary teacher, had the temerity to speak critically of her supervisor and principal to New York Teacher. Oddly enough, many flaws about her teaching style became instantly apparent to said supervisor and principal.

I’d like to say that juvenile retaliation is rare among supervisory personnel, but anyone who’s worked in NYC for any period of time knows otherwise. It’s folly to put so much power in the hands of principals, and Unity, already defending Ms. Lehrman, should have woken up long enough to keep it out of the contract.

A Voice of Reason

Juan Gonzalez, my very favorite Daily News columnist, writes today that it was the supreme arrogance of the MTA that brought on this strike. While Mayor Bloomberg continues to call the strike illegal and selfish, and refer to workers as “thugs,” he hopes no one will notice that he plans to emulate the MTA by eroding the pensions of city workers as well. In today’s news conference, he made specific reference to a fifth pension tier.

Gonzalez writes that not only the contractual issues, but long-term abuses are at the root of this strike:

Nelson Rivera, shop chairman for the 300 mechanics and car cleaners at 207th St., says Casiano is not the only worker penalized for illness. Another mechanic with 30 years on the job recently had a heart operation.

"When the guy came back to work, the MTA demoted him to security guard instead of giving him light duties," Rivera said. "Since then, he's been disciplined twice and is now facing a possible dismissal in 30 days."

Local 100 President Roger Toussaint has repeatedly complained that the MTA issued a phenomenal 15,000 disciplinary actions against his members last year.

Sure, there are people worse off than the transit workers. Nonetheless, lowering their standard of living will be no help whatsoever to these people. Instead of talking about how bad everyone has it, and how workers need to decrease their benefits and pay, we ought to be discussing ways to raise the standard of living for all workers, not just Mayor Mike and his billionaire buddies who need stadiums. Gonzalez says it better:

Have the rest of us been beaten down, exploited and abused for so long by our own employers that we will allow transit workers who dare to defend their standard of living to be painted as thugs?

To hear Bloomberg talk, the Taylor Law came down with the Ten Commandments - and wasn't a modern concoction by politicians to curb the power and influence of our city's municipal unions.

(Thanks to reality based educator for the pointer.)

Point of View

Fox is Fox, and most people know what that means. I'd read that its local affiliates were not bound by the philosophy that pervades its parent company. Nonetheless, it's hard to miss that, alone among local NY stations, Fox 5 flashes a graphic that shouts ILLEGAL transit strike.

Doubtless when Rosa Parks chose to sit down on a bus, many local media outlets did just what Fox 5 is doing now.

Dear Attorney General Spitzer:

I am very disappointed that you've chosen to bring suit against the TWU.

It is plainly unconscionable that the MTA, with a billion dollar surplus, offers these hard-working people less than cost of living, and demands givebacks besides.They were asked to share the pain when the MTA was broke, and it's only fair that they should share in good times as well.

I have supported you, and voted for you enthusiastically in the past. It will be very difficult for me to support you now in a primary.

I hope you will reconsider this course. I have never voted for a Republican in my life, but if Democrats are now against workers, it hardly seems worth supporting them either.

Kindly come to your senses with all due haste.

Feel free to contact NY Attorney General Eliot Spitzer yourself if you're so inclined. Feeling lazy? Copy my letter and make any changes you feel appropriate.

Another of Life's Mysteries Resolved

Ms. Frizzle's upset that she can't seem to get any marking done. There aren't enough hours in the day, evidently. Ms. Frizzle's preferred form of procastination appears to be house cleaning.

I think it was Quentin Crisp who said cleaning was a waste of time. He suggested that after the first two years, the dirt doesn't get any worse. Despite a lifelong aversion to cleaning, I've found that papers seldom, if ever, mark themselves.

Here's a tip--since Unity's seen fit to commit you to a building assignment for the rest of your life, keep an eye out for one in which you'll be able to mark papers.

And remember, if you don't like your assignment, be sure to do a terrible job so you won't be asked back

Support the TWU

Mayor Bloomberg just got through telling New York that there should be no negotiation until the TWU ceased striking.  Perhaps, in his inscrutable way, he feels that will motivate them to go back to the bargaining table with Kalikow, who publicly announced he’d given them their best and final offer.  More likely it will help prolong the strike.

It’s simply unconscionable that the MTA, which regularly pleads poverty as the reason for not granting raises, should be sitting on a billion dollars and still not see fit to offer even cost of living to hard-working New Yorkers.  If they’re asked to suffer in bad times, simple reason dictates they should share also in good ones.  

The zeal to screw the working man, a by-product of Reagan’s felonious reign, has been peddled to America everywhere, often under the guise of “right to work.”  Thankfully, blue states like NY know better.

The transit workers have drawn a line in the sand.  They’re standing up for us, and for working people everywhere.  Support them, and tell your legislators to support them too.  

Via the Borowitz Report

BUSH TO WORLD: MY BAD

Vows Never to Make Decision Based On Intelligence Again

The Wit and Wisdom of Unity

Maisie, a writer for UFT blog, has been getting upset. Apparently, some teachers wish to discuss the following topics, which Edwize has not deemed newsworthy:

1. The transit strike


2. The contract


3. The lack of democracy within the UFT

Maisie characterizes UFT members discussing these things as ”little kids delighted to be using bad words and getting away with it.” She further illuminates us that we “mostly dump junk on the pile-it’s of no use to anyone.”

It's remarkable that those who represent us, often at six-figure salaries, are unable to discuss such plainly vital issues beyond simplistic ad-hominem nonsense.

At Long Last, an Honest Politician

Congresswoman Ginny Brown-Waite of Florida, when asked what she does in Congress, replied, "I'm a hooker." When asked to elaborate, she added, "That's right. I said I'm a hooker." Ms Brown-Waite continued, "I have to go up to total strangers, ask them for money, and get them to expect me to be there when they need me. What does that sound like to you?"

Perhaps she's the exception that proves the rule

State of the Union

Who woulda thunk GW could sing?

It's worth sitting through the GM commercial for this, so be patient.

A Comment

Maria 1724 asks about this item:

What do you think will be the fall out of the story about this 12 year old kid in Brooklyn who punched the security agent who later died?

Will it wake anybody up as to what is going on in many schools on a daily basis? Is this woman's death going to mean nothing to the DOE?

Anyone care to respond?

Fraud Rules

William Weld, who continues to praise the college that someone managed to run into the ground under his stewardship, wants to be governor of New York.  The problem I have is that he keeps shifting the blame for this debacle.  He says it’s the federal government, or some accreditation council, or this or that.  

That’s disappointing.

Why can’t Mr. Weld stand up and announce his company sucked the resources of the school dry, and once they’d taken every last cent there was to steal, let it drop dead?  Now that’s leadership.  Now some will contend such an admission might dampen his chances of becoming governor.  But his school, in which truant students were given answers to tests in order to qualify for loans, is a model for the sort of thing we can expect under NCLB, and copycat NYC regulations.

Sure they paid people off to shut them up about what was really going on.  But that’s the way things are.  What happened to Randi Weingarten after selling the UFT down the river?  She got on the news, standing behind a real union leader, as though she herself were one. What happened to Rod Paige after he faked the “Texas Miracle” by cooking the books?  He became US Secretary of Education.  What happened to his boss after having led us to a disastrous war based on false information?  He may have actually gotten more votes than his opponent.

Let’s stop the pretense.  Mr. Weld ought to stand up and admit that he’s a fraud, and confess that his only sin was getting caught.  Now that’s the kind of leadership Americans want today.

Apparently.

Rally for Transit Workers

Edwize just posted this notice about a rally to support the Transit Workers this Monday the 19th at 4 PM, at 633 3rd Avenue at 41st Street. They are a real union, and they need and deserve our support.

Note that comments are off on the Edwize post, because God forbid working teachers should have the opportunity to compare the courageous Transit leadership to the impotent and useless Unity hacks who demand nothing for us, accept anything for us, take six-figure salaries and double pensions for themselves, and scribble Unity propaganda for Edwize at our expense.

It'll be a cold day in hell when Unity values your opinion.

Bargain Hunting

Do you need a computer?  A digital camera?  An expensive gift for your principal to bribe your way out of potty patrol?  Naturally, you want the lowest prices, since your increase hasn’t even covered cost of living.

Try using these links, which I’ve collected from friends in the math department.  I’ve found some great stuff here—you can always find the best Dell coupons, and I’ve found things like teddy bears for my little girl as well.  

http://slickdeals.net/

http://techbargains.com/

http://www.edealinfo.com/

http://www.xpbargains.com/

High School Secession Extreme?

A few days ago, I suggested high schools ought to secede from the UFT, since it's opted to deny them representation. I still think that's a good idea. Is there a simpler option?

Sure. Get rid of Unity. Send the self-serving, useless, lying pack of them to Florida, or wherever old slugs crawl off to.

But the fact is, teachers of lower grades, who hugely outnumber us, vote en masse for Unity. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Compare our leadership to that of the transit workers. Does anyone really want Randi to lie down for us again? Does anyone really want her hand-picked annointee to follow her time-honored poicy of accepting whatever comes down the pike and using our dues to pay useless sycophants, like the writers at Edwise (whose salaries we pay), to tell us what a swell job she's doing?

Of course someone does. The elementary teachers pick Unity each and every time. That's why Randi, in a blatant blow to democracy, amended the UFT constitution to add them to the pool selecting VPs, and thus deny us our choice.

How can we get rid of Unity when the elementary teachers think they're doing such a fantastic job? How can we get rid of Unity when the elementary teachers stand up and applaud at the concept of more work for less pay?

I'm all ears. And please, if I'm mistaken about the voting majority of elementary teachers, I'd love to hear it.

Watch Your Mouth at Hartford High

Students using offensive language in Hartford, CT face a $103 fine for using objectionable language.

Do you think that would dissuade your students from sharing their frank opinions at inopportune times? And what if someone steps on your foot? What if you slip and fall on a sensitive body part while trudging through the snow to the trailer in which you study (or teach)?

Can you plead circumstances beyond your control?

What Do You Get...

...for the person who has everything?

How about this:

It's a candy. No, it's an electronic gadget.

Maybe it's both!

It's the Pez MP3 Player!

High School Teachers Need Our Own Union

Unity set up the voting system to preclude us from choosing our own leaders. They let all teachers vote for all vice-presidents, so as to keep us, the only contingent that has dared to reject Unity, from choosing a voice that represents our views.

They run a paper that does not reflect our views. They run a website not above having soon-to-retire Unity shills with new names printing lies, and purporting to be voices “from the trenches.”

Most of us will be teaching six classes next semester. We will all have building assignments in perpetuity. Principals can write whatever they wish about us, and the only chances we'll have to dispute letters comes when they’ve amassed enough of them to try to fire us.

For that, Unity cleverly negotiated an increase that doesn't even meet cost of living.

Perhaps a majority of elementary teachers happily embrace the notion of more work for less pay. I’m tired of moving backwards, and so are the majority of high school teachers.

If your building is infested with rats, but your neighbors adore them, the exterminator’s no help at all. Let’s get rid of our problem by seceding from the Unity-infested, undemocratic UFT.

The Lunch Bandit

It was hot, the kind of hot that gets into your skin and comes pouring out every pore of your body.  

Mr. Moskowitz, history teacher extraordinaire, made his way through the mosh pit that comprised the first floor between periods four and five with only one thought on his mind.  And as he was pushed and bumped, purposefully taking two steps forward for each step back, that thought drove him on, on to that next room, until finally, with a last irresistible shove, he ambled into the teacher’s lounge.

Mr. Moscowitz opened the refrigerator with great expectation.  He removed the brown paper bag that bore his name and opened it.  But when Mr. Moscowitz unwrapped the wax paper, he discovered that someone had taken a bite of his salami on rye—the salami on rye that had haunted his every waking moment since midway through his first daily lecture on manifest destiny.

Who could have done such a dastardly thing?

Anyway, It Couldn't Hurt

Chancellor Klein's longstanding policy is doing as he sees fit, when he sees fit, taking credit for all improvements, and vilifying the UFT whenever things fail to work. Much to his amazement, this tactic is not sitting all that well with parents, according to today's NY Times. Apparently, parents of NYC schoolchildren have found the unexpected audacity to demand a voice in the way their children are educated.

Despite spending 100 times what used to be spent on parental involvement, many parents feel shut out of the process, noting that in many cases, parent coordinators have failed even to organize functioning PTA organizations. I know precisely how they feel--teachers have been out of loop since Joel the K. rode into town.

While the Chancellor doesn't give a damn about the parents, let alone their kids, he'll now be placed in the position of having to behave otherwise.

Who knows? It might just force him into doing something worthwhile.

Advanced Problem Solving

A mayor in Brazil is planning to ban death because the local cemetery is full.  Fines will be levied against those who fail to obey the ban.  

Perhaps Mayor Bloomberg should follow in his footsteps and simply outlaw test failure.  

That ought to bring up those sagging statistics.

The Wheel of Blame

Today’s NY Times suggests that Mayor Bloomberg is unable to complete the school construction he’s promised us. He blames this on Governor Pataki, who’s appealing the CFE verdict.

Actually, the judge said NYC could be compelled to provide a share of the settlement. Governor Pataki immediately offered to pay 60% (thereby having the city contribute the other 40), and CFE, the organization that brought the suit, suggested the city pay a more modest 25%, leaving the state with the other 75.

Why should the city pay part of this settlement? Well, the much-lamented ex-mayor Rudolph Giuliani had a curious policy—every time the state raised its comtribution to education, he had the city reduce it by an equivalent amount. In order to gain control of what's now the DOE, Bloomberg agreed to halt this policy. Nonetheless, the damage was done, and the city was expected to pay for some part of the suit. Between CFE and Pataki, there appeared to be a fair possibility of compromise.

So how much was Mayor Moneybags, who so greatly values education, willing to pony up? Not one dime. A representative suggested the city would say “No, thank you” to the suit if it were required to actually pay for any part of it. Hence, Governor Pataki’s appeal.

That speaks volumes of how much this mayor really values education. He can blame Pataki all day long for the lack of space for NYC’s children. But the mayor’s hiding the fact that NYC’s kids are simply not a priority.

If these were sports stadiums, rather than schools, being built for billionaires, rather than kids, this mayor wouldn’t have thought twice about committing hundreds of millions to construct them.

Profiles in Stupid

On November 28th, Zach Rubio was suspended from his Kansas high school for speaking Spanish during lunch. Fortunately, when the district superintendant discovered Zach's principal had done this, he reversed the decision, apologized, and sent Zach back to school with an apology.

We'll see whether that's enough to preclude a lawsuit. The principal, apparently unaware that the US is still, nominally, a free country, also seemed to forget that the school itself had no rule against using languages other than English.

Unity Speaks

The UFT paper says the new 6th class is not a sixth class. They're happy they got the DOE to agree on that concept. Now, all they have to do is convince the teachers actually teaching the sixth class that it isn't a sixth class, and it will, evidently, cease to be a sixth class.

I've just discovered that those of us on extended time schedules will not be teaching the sixth class--we'll just have five longer classes. It's just one more little thing that says "Unity does not value your time at all and is more than happy to bargain it away for a pittance." Still, it beats the hell out of the sixth class in which most of my unfortunate colleagues will be trapped

Unity also urged the city not to send us into the lunchroom until September, though, apparently, it has no right to do so. In fact, according to Unity, the contract appears to be a huge mess of unresolved issues and unintended consequences.

It's too bad our leadership doesn't bother to read agreements before signing them. We will all pay for their lack of foresight, as will NYC's 1.1 million schoolchildren, who seem destined to waste their time after school in classes of doubled and tripled up "small group instruction" classes in which nothing of consequence will occur. The DOE doesn't care whether or not teachers "instruct" within their license areas, and plans to pair you with paraprofessionals, so that you'll be, in effect, teaching 20 rather than ten kids.

Small indeed are the minds that dreamed up "small group instruction".

Making the Punishment Fit the Crime

Last week, a kid gave me a phony doctor's note stating he'd been absent since September because of "leg broke." I showed it to a colleague of mine, who insisted I bring it to the dean. So I did.

They sent the note to the attendance teacher, who did quite a lot of footwork to find out where the kid lived, and his real phone number. She also finally managed to contact the parent, something I'd been quite unable to do. I was seriously impressed.

However, the mother failed to come to school. They're calling her again. If she does not show again, severe measures will be taken.

So, what do you do about a kid who cuts almost three months of school, whose mother can't be bothered discussing it?

In my school, apparently, you suspend the kid for a week. That's a little like sentencing a pedophile to a weekend at Neverland Ranch.

Another Life-Altering Meeting

Well, today we sat in a big room with 7 pieces of paper, and tried, in groups of four, to form them into a square. My group placed two triangles together, dumped the remaining pieces on top, and got into a very lively discussion with the AP in charge over whether we were "cheating," as she put it, or "thinking outside the box," our preferred interpretion.

Many words were written on the blackboard and bandied about, virtually none of which I precisely understood. That is, they made sense individually, but proved problematic when presented in the order chosen by the speaker. Now, I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I don't like to brag, but I am a high school graduate.

Various of the group leaders went up and assessed the activity. The first teacher wanted to know how this activity would prepare kids for college, where the preferred teaching method was "chalk and talk," the evils of which had formed the basis of several previous meetings. Another observed that it lacked an aim and a motivation, and was therefore of no demonstrable value. The last group leader suggested an excellent motivation: a Get out of Jail Free card, which would relieve the bearer of attending faculty conferences for the entire years it was issued.

That gets my vote.

Intelligent Design—Unevolved Course Outline

University of Kansas students waiting to study "Intelligent Design" are bound for disappointment. The Kansas City Star reports they're pulling the course. Is it a Darwinist conspiracy?

No, apparently university officials are upset by comments made by Paul Mirecki, head of the university’s Religious Studies Department. Professor Mirecki was to teach the course, but pulled the plug after some of his emails to a student site for atheists came to light:

Mirecki repeatedly criticized fundamentalist Christians and Jews and mocked Catholicism...In one of the new e-mails, Mirecki wrote: “I don’t think most Catholics really know what they are supposed to believe, they just go home and use condoms and some of them beat their wives and husbands.”

In Spanish they say "Tiene doctorado pero no es educado."

He has a doctorate, but he isn't educated.

Support Pre-School in NY

Check out Winning Beginning NY, an organization dedicated to shaming Governor Pataki et al into fulfilling the State's promise to provide preschool for NY kids.

Sure, it's important that our legislators go on fact-finding junkets to the Bahamas. Nobody's saying it isn't. But sometimes, they ought to at least give the appearance that they do things for us.

Let them know that this is an opportunity for them to act like good guys, instead of the ruthless whoredogs we all know them to be.

New Math

Instructivist is forever poking fun at all things absurd and incomprehensible in education methodology. But he might be taking it too far with this example:

A farmer sends his daughter and son out into the barnyard to count the number of chickens and pigs. When they return the son says that he counted 200 legs and the daughter says she counted 70 heads. How many pigs and chickens does the farmer have?

Now if that isn’t practical, what is? How many times, for example, have you asked your kids to go out and count the chickens and pigs only to have them return with some sorry old excuse for an answer?

What I want to know is this: How did I manage to raise kids so plumb stupid that they counted heads and feet instead of critters? I’d be busier than a farmer with one hoe and two rattlesnakes trying to make up for all those days I had them shuckin' the corn when they shoulda been cypherin’ over at the schoolhouse.

Or was this whole unsavory mess my fault? Should I forget about educatin’ and just brush up on my communicatin’ skills?

Tarnation, it gets me edgier than a one-eyed cat watching nine rat holes just thinking about it.

I Hate Saying I Told You So...

The NY Times today reports that principals are being instructed to group 3 "small-group instruction" groups together in single classrooms. Randi says she's against it, and that the DOE is trying "for a second bite of the apple," but the city claims it's Randi's UFT trying to renegotiate after the fact.

To me, it doesn't make a whole lot of difference, since a sixth class is, after all, a sixth class. But the move tells a lot about the city's attitude toward "small-group-instruction," which will be completely ineffectual in their preferred setting.

1. They couldn't care less about its quality.

2. Their sole interest in maintaining it is the anticipation of the next contract, 10 more minutes, and six full classes.

Unity will claim they never anticipated such things. Well, if I, a lowly teacher, can see them coming, why can't our highly-compensated leadership?

No Wonder No One Likes Science

Here's some disappointing news--passionate love, apparently, is bound to end in one year.

Or maybe those scientists who spend all their time studying molecules are simply trying to jinx those with active social lives.

Honor Among Thieves?

Today a kid walked into my class after having been absent for maybe 10 weeks.  He handed me a doctor’s note that said he’d been under care since September 3rd—diagnosis “leg broke.”

The note was signed by a few teachers, but I found it odd that I’d seen the kid, from time to time, hanging around on the street corner by the school, with no apparent signs of this unfortunate disability.  I called the number, which turned out not to be a doctor’s office, but another kid’s personal cell.  The kid, perhaps, had forgotten his agreement to pretend he was a doctor.

You can’t hardly count on anyone anymore.

Bulletin Boards

A commenter asked if I'd put something up about bulletin boards.

I teach in a high school, and I haven't had to deal with this mania nearly as much as my JHS and elementary colleagues. In fact, I haven't designed or taken part in decorating a bulletin board in 10 or 15 years. Of course, I teach in an overcrowded school, usually in 3 or 4 different classrooms.

How is the bulletin board craze affecting you and your school? Will the new contract help you with any of your difficulties?

Just Do It

As I pointed out recently on Jenny D’s blog, I’ve been very lucky thus far, in that I’ve been able to keep up with my fourth grade daughter’s math homework. However, I fear those days are rapidly coming to an end.

A few weeks ago, she brought home a multiple choice test that asked her to identify equations displaying “commutative properties” of mathematics. I suggested she select a pair of multiplication problems, something like 5 X 7, and 7 X 5, which happily turned out to be correct.

I have to question the need for her to know that term. I’m admittedly not good at math, not interested in math, and very grateful I no longer have to study it. But I don’t feel my quality of life has been markedly damaged by my unfamiliarity with that term. The concept, to anyone schooled in basic arithmetic, is obvious.

As an English teacher, I have to suppose that many Americans don’t know what present progressive or future perfect means, yet manage to speak perfectly. Many can even write with clarity and precision, despite our best efforts to churn out automatons who do nothing but five-paragraph compositions.

On the other hand, I’ve had hundreds of foreign students who could name the grammar terms backward and forward, but could not speak.

I figure if you’re not a teacher, you don’t need the terminology. You just need to know how to do whatever it is you need to do. We’ve got it backwards—which is why so many of us have studied Spanish but couldn’t speak it to save our lives.

Lost in Translation

Now, before you accuse me, it wasn't one of my students who translated this sign.

Actually, I stumbled across it on an odd little site calledA Welsh View.

While it's the sad truth my daughter, along with much of her generation, would applaud this sentiment, I'm sure you can see the sort of thing that's liable to happen if we don't teach sufficient English to our newcomers.

If anyone out there can offer a more accurate translation, I'd be interested to see it. Regardless, I don't think I'll be doing much shopping in stores that display signs like this.

Fred

Everything Old Is New Again

Do you think your job is tough?  Well it probably is.  Maybe you’ve taken the wrong path.

If you’d only known the right people, you could have become a Tweed flunkie, perpetually dreaming up new ways to justify your six-figure salary.  How would that be?

Well, you’d have to sit for hours and consider, for example, should you come up with a new idea?  No, if you had any imagination, you’d probably never have gotten this job in the first place.  Should you inspire teachers with your years of experience?  No, that’s out of the question, what with your not once in your life having ever set foot in a public school, let alone worked in one.

Should you amuse them, at least?  No, if you had any talent or sense of humor, why would your mother have had to get this job for you?  What if you just gave them another few hours of long-winded convoluted trendy edu-speak with no value whatsoever?  That usually works.  Hmmmm...  

Wait!  You have a sudden flash of inspiration.  You could just take the same old idea everyone’s been using for fifty years, give it a new name, and claim to have invented it.  Then, when they do the same old thing they’ve been doing forever, you can tell the chancellor they’re using your idea.  When standards go down, and test scores consequently go up, you can take credit for it!

Let’s see…you’ll need a big word here…OK, you can call it congruency, and amaze everyone by announcing that the do now and motivation have to be mostly related to the lesson. For example, you could caution teachers not to give too many algebraic equations as leads-up to lessons on Hamlet.  

Wait—you’d better throw in another big word here—tell them to not even call it the do now and motivation—it’ll now be now the “anticipatory set.”  That’s far less likely to be understood!  You could explain it by saying “Teachers consciously stimulate the neural network so that the learner will be ready to make connections between prior experience and new learning.”  Let them crawl under their beds and figure that out.

This has great potential.  You can make up confusing handouts with arcane illustrations and spend hours at meetings explaining them to supervisors who are obliged to pretend they’re interested.  Then, for the two extra days of talking you’ll have to do this August, you can rattle off the same thing to the teachers.  Just sit them in groups and make them discuss it and give presentations on how they’ll use it.  That’ll kill three or four hours right there.

So basically, the introduction to the lesson should be somewhat related to the rest of the lesson.  How can you phrase that so no one will be precisely certain what you’re talking about, thus necessitating endless hours of clarifying discussion?  What about this—“Most of the Teacher Actions are on a one-to-one match with the Teacher Objective.”  That oughta do it.  

Maybe you can make a video.  That could kill a few hours, and you can show it at every meeting.  Now you’ll need speakers no one exactly understands, to facilitate discussion groups who could try to figure out what the heck it’s about. By the time they report back, that’ll have killed two days right there.

Oh well, 11:30—time for another gala luncheon.

This job sure beats working.

No Thinking—Just Writing

That’s my new mantra. It’s odd, I know, and sort of off-putting when you first read or hear it. But I’ve been teaching over twenty years now, and it’s many the time I’ll turn to kids and ask why they aren’t working.

“I’m thinking.”

In Herman Hesse’s novel, Siddhartha writes “Writing is good. Thinking is better.” Doubtless he’s right.

But what is it, actually, that my students are thinking about? They’re thinking about how many minutes before the bell rings, or if the girl across the room likes them, or about whether they’ll visit their uncle this weekend, or why the classroom is always either too hot or too cold (I often wonder about that one myself).

They’re thinking about whether or not the teacher will let them keep thinking until the bell rings, so they can shuffle off to the next class and think some more.

I’m a slow learner, I guess, but kids thinking about what to write are few and far between. I apologize to them in advance.

From now on, my unfortunate students will have to do their extra-curricular thinking on their own time. In my class, they will write.

Wondering How to Spend that Retroactive Pay?

Well, you might want to buy the original Hollywood sign and set it up on your lawn.

It's on Ebay, and CNN reports the opening bid is a mere 300K. Face it, you can hardly buy a house for that anymore. Just think of how much more attractive it will look than those lawn trolls you have out there now.

And if you're looking to meet that special someone, it could be a real conversation starter.

Art or Crap?

You decide:

Take the art or crap quiz.

I got 10 out of 16.

La Pregunta

I started out as an English teacher, but almost before I could begin, I was dispatched to teach music, math, special ed., communications, parenting (with no experience at the time, and I’m highly grateful that one didn’t pan out), and finally “ESL.”  My reaction:

“What’s ESL?”

It turned out ESL was teaching kids from other countries to speak English.  I loved it, and when NYC finally offered me an appointment as an English teacher, I turned it down and went back to school instead.

I had to take 12 credits in foreign language in order to get my ESL certification.  I took 8 credits in Spanish and four in German, and that was good enough for New York State.  At that time, I was not fluent in Spanish, and I found it ironic that a colleague of mine, who spoke excellent Spanish, was unable to become certified because she lacked credits.

When I finally found a job teaching ESL, almost all my students were Spanish speakers.  I decided I’d better figure out was they were talking about, so I spent a few summers studying in Mexico, and took more Spanish courses at night.  Before I know it, I had 24 credits in Spanish, and for the princely sum of 50 bucks, NY State sent me yet another certification as a Spanish teacher.

My former AP (not the one mentioned here) was wonderful, and when she asked me to teach a native Spanish 1 class, I was happy to do her a favor.  The young teacher who’d been leading them had been having problems with the kids, and the AP, apparently, was tired of them landing in her office.

It was fun but odd teaching these kids, every one of whom spoke Spanish better than I did.  None of them knew much about writing, and I had it all over them when it came to accent marks, sentences, paragraphs, or discussing literature.  But they didn’t hesitate to correct me when I mangled the subjunctive or said por for para, so it was a friendly but spirited battle those five months.

It didn’t help that I’d been placed in Sra. F’s classroom.  Sra. F. was from España, and considered any form of Spanish other than that spoken in her country to be an abomination.  She never hesitated to share this philosophy with my students, none of whom met her high standards. She judged my Spanish positively diabolical, and made this pronouncement to me, my class, and my AP, on a daily basis.  Having failed the NTEs and the LAST tests a dozen times, it was undoubtedly a great comfort to know she was so much superior to us.

One day, when Sra. F. observed I’d written an aim in English, she almost had a conniption.  She complained, it seemed, to every supervisor in the building.  Fortunately, they’d long ago stopped taking her seriously.

But neither Sra. F nor the annoyingly accurate ears of my students gave me much trouble till the day Oscar asked the question.  Nobody’d anticipated it, so it really took us for a loop.

“How come you’re white?”

Absolute silence, and stunned looks around the classroom.

“Well, my mother was white, and my father was white, so…”

“No.”  Simple biology was not going to satisfy him.  “This is a Spanish class, and you’re a white guy.  What’s going on?”

I decided to turn the tables.

“Actually, Oscar, from where I stand, you look like a white guy too.”

“Uh, uh, I’m Spanish.”

Maria, a loquacious young woman who sat in the front, could stand no more.  “Uh uh, Oscar, you just as white as the teacher.  And you ain’t Spanish.  Sra. F. is Spanish.”

“Come on, Maria, you know what I mean.”

There ensued a long philosophical discussion, the conclusion of which escapes me at the moment.  

The class, unfortunately, met first period—7 AM that year, which meant that half of it never appeared.  Sadder still, half the kids who did show up did no work, so I ended up failing 75% of the class.  

I’ve not been asked to teach Spanish again.

But I’m ready.

Don’t Aim—Just Shoot

When you teach in New York you’re required to follow a lesson plan. First, you are to state your aim. Then you are to motivate the class because, as everyone knows, these kids don’t want to learn anything.

—Frank Mc Court

There are certain underlying assumptions in everything we do here in fun city. Frank finds humor in the “motivation,” but I’d move yet another step back and examine the “aim.” When I went to school in Nassau County, there was no such concept.

My theory is that some Board of Education wonk decided one day that if teachers had explicit “aims,” they would magically become competent enough to know what they were doing. There are some small flaws in that theory.

Competent teachers know what they’re doing whether or not they actually post an “aim” on the board.

More to the point, no matter how well-stated the “aim” may be, bad teachers simply cannot communicate much of value to their students.

I post an aim daily, to appease whatever muckety-mucks might be roaming the halls in search of offenders. But I’m 100% sure it has no effect whatsoever on me or my students.

Rejoice

Frank McCourt has written a new book, entitled Teacher Man. If that itself isn’t good enough news, it can be had at your nearest Costco for a mere $14.19, or even less at your local public library. McCourt writes:

In America, doctors, lawyers, generals, actors, televison people and politicians are admired and rewarded. Not teachers. Teaching is the downstairs maid of professions. Teachers are told to use the service door or go around the back. They are congratulated on having ATTO (All That Time Off). They are spoken of patronizingly and patted, retroactively, on their silvery locks. Oh, yes, I had an English teacher, Miss Smith, who really inspired me. I’ll never forget dear old Miss Smith...

Why did it take 66 years for McCourt to write Angela’s Ashes?

I was teaching, that’s what took me so long. Not in college or university, where you have all the time in the world for writing and other diversions, but in four different New York City public high schools…When you teach five high school classes a day, five days a week, you’re not inclined to go and to clear your head and fashion deathless prose. After a day of five classes your head is filled with the clamor of the classroom.

Imagine how we’ll all be after a day of six classes. Clearly Randi does not read Frank.

It’s a pity.

This Year's Model

For over 20 years, I’ve been attending faculty meetings. Several times a year, a weary administrator stands in front of a room, and tells us just how things are going to be:

“From now on, there will be no more standing in front of the room.”

“This year, all student work must be placed in portfolios.”

“The aim must be phrased as a question.”

“The aim must be phrased as a statement.”

“Portfolios are out.”

“There must be bell-to-bell instruction.”

“Instruction must last for no more than 10 minutes.”

All the approaches sound grand when you hear them. Each one is calculated to solve all the ills in education, and finally clear up those lingering doubts about whether or not your teaching techniques are valid. Why, then, do they so frequently contradict one another?

Well, there’s probably validity in most techniques, contradictory or no. The problem is, they’re invariably presented as not only good, but irreplaceable and exclusive as well. Discussion is now useless, because we must work in groups, all the time, every day without exception. Nothing else can possibly work. Ever.

After hearing this enough times, a reasonable mind cannot help but grow skeptical.

Aren’t they simply going to replace this revolutionary technique with something new next year? Won’t they then tell you every minute you’ve spent applying last year’s technique was a complete and utter waste of time? Why should you bother to listen at the next meeting?

Well, it’s not the supervisors’ fault that they’ve been assigned to tell you the newest earth-shattering technique. They’re just doing their jobs. If they’re reasonable (and some are), they won’t insist you use this year’s technique to the exclusion of all others. That, you’ll have to judge for yourself.

Here’s what’s important—these techniques may or may not work for you. One thing the theorists invariably fail to take into account is that teachers, actually, are not donuts, or widgets, and it’s genuinely possible that different techniques may suit different personalities.

When you really find what works for you, you’ve found your own voice. No trendy technique can compete with that. Unfortunately, what works for you may not work for me. And it may not work for the unfortunate group of teachers compelled to sit at the meeting, either.

Why can’t the geniuses who devise these techniques realize that? And why must every new technique supplant every other that came before it?

It seems to me there’s more than one valid approach to communicating and reaching out to young minds. I know what works for me.

Regrettably, it does not necessarily follow that I know what will work for you.

And that’s just one reason I’m not an administrator.

Slings and Arrows

It’s always instructive to read Edwize. Let’s see, NYU graduate students are denied representation. Outrageous! NYC high school teachers have the largest student load in the area. Outrageous! Tweed’s latest anti-teacher nonsense. Also outrageous!

I'm surprised, though, to see Unity writers decrying the issue of the large number of students covered by high school teachers. It’s absolutely true a New York City high school teacher can have up to 170 students, the largest student load in the area. And they’re absolutely correct that class size is one of the most crucial aspects of quality education.

What Unity writers fail to point out is that under the new contract, Unity negotiators failed to enact any regulations to reduce class size. Not only that, but with the Unity-negotiated addition of an unprecedented sixth class, NYC high school teachers will actually have a higher student load.

How dare they complain about our student loads? When presented with an opportunity to remedy the situation, they actually managed to worsen it.

After numerous comments that paid Unity non-teachers were dominating the dialogue, Edwize presented a “voice from the trenches.” This voice, however, turned out to be Unity CC Redhog, a regular pro-Unity commenter, writing under another name to in order to pretend he was a typical teacher with no particular agenda.

Redhog, incidentally, revealed to me via email that he plans to retire within the year. He’ll be sunning himself in Florida, perhaps, but certainly enjoying 15% higher retirement pay, with a COLA, a guaranteed raise working teachers don’t get, while we dodge flying tuna sandwiches during cafeteria duty.

And how do Unity writers get on their high horses and demand rights for others when, right in their own house, high school teachers have been denied their choice of VPs since 1994? In a blatantly anti-democratic act, Unity amended the constitution so that we would be forever drowned out by the votes of largely pro-Unity elementary teachers.

It's as though President Bush decreed one day that, for fairness' sake, Alaska, Kansas, and Texas could help New York choose its governor.

Some Unity writers like to invoke the "tradition of union democracy" to justify their tirades against Unity opponents. Nonetheless, they're perfectly comfortable writing for the front page of Edwize, which we support with our dues. They have no apparent problem with the fact that 40% of working, voting union teachers who opposed the contract are offered no representation on that page.

Unity freely distributes pro-contract literature in every school mailbox in New York City. Opponents of the contract are flatly denied the opportunity to do the same.

Such “traditions of union democracy,” as practiced by Unity, led to the fall of another prominent union: the Soviet Union.

It’s time now to take Unity down with it.

Local Yokels

Diane Ravitch, one of the brightest lights in American education, suggests in this week's NY Times we need a national standard for testing. While Mayor Mike got re-elected, in part, on boasts about 4th grade achievement, Ms. Ravitch questions the validity of state tests.

We all know test scores can be interpreted and manipulated, candidate pools can be cherry-picked, and tests can be designed to produce virtually whatever results we desire. Ravitch suggests that, under an impartial national standard, we’re leaving quite a few kids behind, pointedly including Mayor Bloomberg’s NY contingent, whose scores, apparently, were exaggerated threefold for the city that couldn’t wait to re-elect him.

She’s right. It’s ridiculous that people in New York need to read better than people in Utah. I don’t care how many wives you have. They still need to read those pre-nups.

Those Who Can't Teach Gym, Become Chancellor

Mr. Lawrence’s blog is very funny. You ought to check it out. He just wrote about substituting as an elementary gym teacher. Here’s what he likes about it:

It's one of those times of the day in which they are encouraged to run around, screaming, and I can let them. Now, if they moved me from Phys. Ed. to a classroom - like they've done in the past - I'd be the one running around and screaming...

When I read that, I’d just gotten back from explaining to my college ESL class the meaning of "Those who can't do, teach," and followed it with the oft-heard rejoinder "Those who can't teach, teach gym."

I shared with them my secret fantasy of becoming a gym teacher, tossing out the basketballs, saying "Choose up sides and play," and sitting down to a cigarette and a big sandwich , always keeping a careful eye on the watch for the time when I could say, "OK, get back and change."

If only I had thought of it sooner. I suppose I could go get another Master’s, but it’s probably too late to take up smoking, so why bother?

An Anonymous Comment

I keep thinking about this comment someone left a few days back. It's very clever, and I'm reposting it below:

Here in NYC, a cosmopolitan, sophisticated world class city with numerous museums, theatre, libraries and institutions of higher learning -- here and only here can we have a book smart, university educated membership voting against their own interests.

The taxi driver, the air conditioner repair man, the shoe shine and hot dog vendor all understand the concepts of labor union, working class and give backs. They understand that more time and less rights do not equal more money. They may not understand all the vocabulary in the Wall St. Journal but they understand the word NO and will use it if they need to. No, as in 'no to this contract' as in 'not in my best interests'. The membership ratified the contract because they are not used to using the word NO and they forgot how to say it.

"No, you cannot go to the bathroom. No, you cannot hand in late homework. No, we do not want this contract."

Be Careful on the LIE

Apparently, cops are serious about those HOV lanes. A San Rafael driver was fined for having a legless dummy in the passenger seat. Perhaps the cop found the dummy suspicious because it was wearing a Miami Dolphins jacket.

You could outfit your dummy in a Yankee jacket, I suppose. But what if the cop happens to be a Met fan?

Freddy's New Ad

It's a new kind of love story. Though I'd have rather seen him kiss the horse.

You ought to get kissed, for 7 million bucks, I guess.

Simplicity Itself

Quality education is elusive.  But the reasons for it are not.  In New York City, we dump 34 kids in a class and hire virtually anyone available to teach them.   The Chancellor and the tabloids whine endlessly about awful teachers. Remarkably, there are many good, even great teachers working here.

The bad ones, though, almost defy description.  None would be hired in suburban schools.  Many would not be hired in fast food joints.

But awful teachers are necessary, to give the tabloids fodder.  The chancellor needs scapegoats to cover his overall lack of improvement, and make no mistake—“reform” is not necessarily improvement.  Religiously maintaining the state’s lowest standard for teachers has not brought about improvement.  Having the highest class size in the area has not helped much either.

The mayor and the governor volley the CFE case back and forth, neither willing to make the necessary financial commitment to good teachers or small classes.  Unlike mammoth sport stadiums, they’re too expensive.  They’re not worth it, apparently.  

How could we really improve the school system?

A right-wing school teacher acquaintance of mine has a great idea about this.  Ordinarily, we argue endlessly about everything.  But on schools, oddly enough, we’re almost in perfect harmony.

Require those who administer public schools to patronize them.  How are mayors, or chancellors, going to put their hearts and souls into systems they don’t even take part in?

My kid goes to a public school.  Make their kids go to public schools too, and you’ll see how fast things turn around.  

Do you think Sir Rudy would have suggested compelling welfare recipients to work in public schools if his kids were in attendance?  While he may see chronically out of work individuals as adequate role models for your kids, or mine, do you think he sees them as role models for his kids?

I doubt it.

Get Your Apron Ready

You're headed for lunchroom duty.

UFT Contract passes--63%-37%.

Teachers Yes 39728 No 25962

School Secretaries Yes 2455 No 618

Paras Yes 1325 No 538

Total Yes 54473 No 32144

Total Votes Scanned 86847

Figures from ICE-UFT Blog

Make Them An Offer They Can't Refuse

It suddenly hit me today--we're going about this all wrong.

Why are we debating about contracts, or whether we need an iconoclastic leader, or good old, reliable Unity? They won't get us what we want.

For many years, we'd heard and read about the custodians' union, and how corrupt it was, and how overpaid they were. They were buying jeeps for their personal use on the city's dime. They were working on their yachts in Long Island when they were supposed to be mopping a floor. They were painting not one inch above 7 feet, because union regs forbade it.

And you'd read about their union heads getting rubbed out on the street over who knows what. Was it true? What's the difference?

Naturally, I abhor violence. But why can't we have a mobbed-up union boss? And please don't lecture me about discrimination, because mobs now come from all over. I've got nothing against Asian, Russian, or South American mobs in our corner. Race is not an issue, and it's utterly beside the point. One mobster is as good as another, say I.

Why bother with PERB? Who needs a bunch of lawyers sitting with calculators figuring how many half minutes we need to add to our days?

We need someone getting us jobs that people really want to have. Do you remember the Sopranos episodes with the dozen guys sitting on lawn chairs at the construction site? Why should Tweed get all the no-show jobs?

"Nice little City Hall you've got here. It would be a shame if anything were to happen to it." Mayor Bloomberg is a businessman, and if that isn't a call to negotiate, I don't know what is. It beats the hell out of waiting till election time, showing him an unsavory ad we paid to produce, and threatening to drain even more millions from our coffers showing it around town.

Screw the cutesy television commercials that say how hard we work and how unappreciated we are. They cost us bazillions in dues, and just make the Daily News that much more vicious when decrying the perfidy of teachers.

While I certainly would never teach my students to leave a decapitated horse's head on the pillow of an uncooperative employer, why shouldn't we send some hearty soul to Mayor Mike's upstate horse farm to let him know we mean business? Even a very highly-paid individual would cost a fraction of what we pay for an ineffectual TV campaign.

I ask you--is it too much to ask the forces of corruption to align themselves with us for a change?

The Dumb Class

Imagine yourself, the first day at a new school.

“We’re giving you the dumb class, Ms. D.”

“The dumb class? What’s that? Why am I teaching it?”

Well, Ms. D., they can’t learn, and you can’t teach, so putting you together is a thing of beauty.”

It’s a long-standing tradition to dump the very worst programs on new teachers, and then fine-tune them to make them even worse. That’s what happened to me when I started. I toyed with an offer of driving a FedEx Truck, which actually paid a little more at the time.

My first job was awful. I started with 4 programs, and then they took one of my classes away and gave me a fifth—I kid you not. It’s a wonder I stayed, because my first semester was pure hell.

I think this—if you’re smart, and you like kids, you’ll probably be a good teacher. Lord knows NYC’s kids need you.

It’s too bad we still drive so many young teachers away, though. I got to really love it after the first 6 months or so.