Short Takes

Mayor Bloomberg has had it with people criticizing the bus debacle. How dare they? They have no experience doing anything. Public advocate Betsy Gotbaum wholeheartedly acknowledged the contrast between critics and the company that won hizzoner's no-bid contract:

"As to experience, yes, Alvarez & Marsal has ample management experience," she said sarcastically. "The firm managed to make a mess of the school bus system in St. Louis."

Meanwhile, 5-year-old children stand outside for fifty minutes on the coldest week of the season, waiting in vain for the newly rerouted buses to show.

And NY Schools Chancellor Joel Klein says of course he wouldn't send his six-year-old child out onto a city bus. Of course, he doesn't have a six-year-old, if he did he'd enroll her in public school, and your 7-year-old child is another story altogether.

Thanks To Schoolgal

The New Wheels on the Bus

The wheels on the bus go Round and round, Round and round, Round and round.
The wheels on the bus go Round and round,
All through the town.

Alvarez and Marsal say beat it kid, beat it kid, beat it kid"
Alvarez and Marsal say beat it kid, beat it kid, beat it kid"
All through the town.

Bloomberg on the bus goes "Cheap Cheap Cheap, Cheap Cheap Cheap, Cheap Cheap Cheap"
Bloomberg on the bus goes "Cheap Cheap Cheap,
All through the town.

Klein on the bus goes "Duh duh duh, Duh duh duh, Duh duh duh"
Klein on the bus goes "Duh duh duh, Duh duh duh, Duh duh duh"
All through the town

The money from the bus goes "Clink clink clink, Clink clink clink, Clink clink clink"
The money from the bus goes "Clink clink clink, Clink clink clink, Clink clink clink"
straight to the consultant clowns.

Thanks to David Bellel for updating the classic tune!

Guagua

My Spanish 1 teacher was from Chile. She would not hesitate to announce, "For homework, please do exercise C,D,E, F, G, H and I. You know what? Also do J,K, L, M,N O and P." You never knew whether the mood might strike her to add Q to Z, so it was important to try to ask an unrelated question at that point. It was summer, and she gave a test every other day.

She was a holy terror. But I never learned so much Spanish from anyone, anywhere.

For example, she taught us the word guagua means "baby" in Chile. But it means "bus" in Puerto Rico. Also, in Spanish, you don't miss the bus. You lose it.

When she first came to the US, having fled from the junta, she met a worried-looking Puerto Rican woman at a bus stop. She asked her what was wrong.

"I lost the guagua," the woman said.

"Oh no!" replied my teacher. "What on earth are you going to do?"

"Don't worry," she replied. "I'll just get another one."

Mayor Mike's Magical Mystery Tour

I love the headline from today's Times: "City Tells Parents It Understands as School Bus Crisis Eases a Bit." There's a distinction between telling people you understand and actually understanding, but I don't see it in this headline. I wonder if that was intentional.

Education officials say the rules have existed for decades, but State Senator Carl Kruger, a Brooklyn Democrat, accused the Education Department yesterday of wrongly denying bus service to thousands of children based on a rule requiring them to live within a quarter-mile of a school bus stop.

He said the rule was not printed anywhere and accused the department of making it up.

“It’s a Catch-22,” Mr. Kruger said in a statement. “They’re saying you can’t take the bus because it’s too far from your home. But the only reason the bus is too far from your home is that the city took the route away.”

It's encouraging to see the public so up in arms about something regarding the public school system. I can't help but think that if they'd take the same approach to teacher quality, class sizes, and decent facilities, we'd all be in much better shape today.

The Daily News reports today that the changes were made, in typical Bloomberg-reform style, with little or no thought as to what the results would be:

In an attempt to get the millions of dollars in savings promised by a high-priced consulting firm, the Education Department rushed its school bus reorganization before it was ready.

After all the headaches, taxpayers will see only a measly $5 million go into city classrooms this year - far short of initial estimates, school officials conceded.

Well, that certainly justifies the 15.8 million dollar Alvarez and Marshall contract, doesn't it? It kind of makes you wonder how well hizzoner has planned out the new reorganization.

Likely he planned it just as thoroughly as the last one. Unfortunately, I don't anticipate it getting nearly the scrutiny of the bus debacle.

And that's a shame. It merits every bit of it.

Related: See reality-based educator

Rules are Rules

In yet another effort to help put Children First, Mayor Bloomberg and Chancellor Klein are strictly enforcing their bus policy. It's a well-known fact that rules must be adhered to, no matter how incomprehensible they may be (unless they're rules that protect working people, and they can all go to hell).

In any case, it's a rough world out there, and it's our job to prepare kids for it. This isn't the first stupid rule they've encountered, and it won't be the last. Give 'em a Metrocard, get 'em a subway map, and let 'em learn like we did. So what if they're five years old?

Did we have buses? Didn't it snow every day when we went to school? Didn't we have to walk 10 miles, uphill, shoveling the snow all the way? Didn't we have to walk 10 miles back, uphill again?

Does Joel Klein complain when he can't manage to charter a private aircraft to jet him to a blue-ribbon panel? Of course not. He knows simple first-class reservations will do. Grow up, New York!

We paid Alvarez and Marshall 15.8 million bucks to figure out how to save money, and if they say you can't get on the bus, you can't get on the bus. How are we gonna recover their fees if we squander our precious tax dollars transporting small children?

Schools Chancellor Joel Klein apologized for the inconvenience last night but defended the cuts.

"Of course everybody would like to have a bus. I understand that. Our job is to make sure the eligibility requirements by law are met, and they're done equitably and fairly," he said.

Still, some of the changes left parents baffled. Kerry Grasser's 7-year-old daughter is eligible for bus service to Public School 114 in Rockaway Park, Queens - but her 5-year-old daughter isn't.

Too bad. Rules are rules (unless they're rules that protect working people, and they can all go to hell).

"I had to imagine it was a mistake because you have two children coming from the same house and going to the same school," said Grasser, who is putting both children on the school bus anyway.

Clearly Ms. Grasser is laboring under a misconception, because if Chancellor Joel Klein says one of your daughters is eligible and the other isn't, I can only assume the eligibility line runs through your apartment, and the five-year-old is on the wrong side of it. Can't the five-year-old just sleep in the kitchen?

How on earth can Mayor Bloomberg continue to put Children First when adults can't even follow the rules? What sort of example does that set, anyway?

Thanks to Schoolgal

Related: Whatever you do, don't miss Joe Williams' take on this!