Steiner Speaks

After chasing NY State Education Commissioner David Steiner for over a week, our intrepid reporters were able to corner him in an alley.  Steiner, seeing no alternative, spoke to us about his decision to grant a waiver to publishing executive Cathie Black.

Why did you decide to appoint Ms. Black?

Well, it was a number of things.  Mostly, Michael Bloomberg is the richest guy in New York.  He could well be President in 2012.  Let me tell you something, jobs are tough to find in this economy and I'm keeping mine.  I'm not going back to some university and getting a job at my age.  I'm in my 50s and I've got to start thinking about retirement.  There's no way I'm moving to some two-bedroom in Queens, like some teacher or something.

But the panel you selected voted to reject her.

That's not entirely true.  Only 4 voted for rejection.  2 voted for the waiver.  And 2 voted "not at this time."  In fact, I decided to give the waiver a few days later, which was not at that time.  It was a different time.  If you look at it that way, a majority of the panel voted for the waiver.  Sure, some wanted it at another time, so that's when I gave it to them.


She has no educational experience.

Are you kidding me?  Do you really think Michael Bloomberg, or anyone, cares about education?  The fact is there's an awful lot of money to be managed here.  And much of it goes to pay the salaries of teachers.  Now some teachers, older teachers, make a lot more money than younger teachers.  Someone has to change that, and who better than someone who really knows how to fire people?  Once we get rid of this last in, first out nonsense, Cathie Black will be able to fire anyone she wants.  Meanwhile, we'll just put highly paid teachers in classes with kids who don't do well, and use the new evaluation system to dump them all.

But didn't you say you're concerned about being in your 50s and getting a job?  What about teachers in that position?

Hey, do I look like a teacher?  Am I a union president?  Give me a break.  I'm looking out for number one, and it's not my fault that Bloomberg and Obama treat teachers like number two.  If you want to fix that, it's on you guys.  Look, I wish the panel had voted to grant the waiver straight out.  Then I wouldn't have people like you pestering me and lunatics demonstrating outside my house.  But you gotta play with the hand you're dealt.   My ass is on the line here.


So there was no way Cathie Black was going to be rejected once Michael Bloomberg selected her?

Get with the program, pal.  Joel Klein did whatever Bloomberg said for the last nine years and now he's got a cushy gig with Rupert Murdoch.  If I want to land a sweet deal like that, I have to play the game.  Do you think I want to be a teacher or something?  Let me tell you something---I want a job with a future.  Bloomberg has Oprah, Obama, Gates, and every editorial board in the country behind him.  He's got Whoopie Goldberg, I heard,  They want non-union charters, no contracts, and the right to pay whatever they want.  You're all free to get in line and hope for the best.  Otherwise, you're gonna have to stop supporting mayoral control and selling all your rights away for every new contract.  You think it's an accident that Bloomberg gave everyone a contract except the teachers?

Mr. Steiner, we understand you were born in New Jersey.

No comment.

At this point, Steiner darted his eyes, hopped a fence, and scurried away.

Meet the Bloomberg/ Black Panel

Our crack staff had the opportunity to interview the panel selected by Education Commissioner David Steiner to advise on the nomination of Cathie Black for NYC Schools Chancellor.  Three of its members have worked for Chancellor Klein, so they understand exactly what Mayor Bloomberg's priorities are.

Susan H. Furman, President of Teachers College and chair of the panel, confided, "It's pretty much we sit around for a few hours, maybe a day, and then do whatever Bloomberg says.  In today's world, educational experience is an utter waste of time.  Fact is my entire life's work has been a waste, and anyone who pays our tuition is nuts.  But you should see the spread they're giving us for lunch. You think we eat like this at Teachers College? In corporate America this is par for the course. Anyway, what do we know about firing people?"

We went for further comment to Jean-Claude Brizard, former aide to Chancellor Klein, who told us, "Honestly, what the hell do academics know?  It would be more practical to appoint someone from Clown College.  They have training.  I've seen them fit a dozen clowns in a VW bug.  Once Bloomberg cuts 6,100 teachers, you're gonna have 50 kids in a class and what, do you think some teacher will know how they're gonna fit? I worked for Klein a long time and appointing Cathie Black is no worse than anything else I did when I had that gig."

Ronald F. Ferguson chimed in, "Look, Klein's been there for years, and the achievement gap has only gotten worse.  We need someone who can really juke the stats, so it appears we're actually accomplishing something.  In my heart, I believe Cathie Black is the best person for the job.  After all, she's spent a lot of time trying to sell unhealthy soft drinks to kids, and has no problem doing business with sleazy exploitative companies.  We really need a ruthless businessperson unencumbered by ethics to make it look like we're doing something for these kids, and only the teachers are failing them."

Michelle Cahill commented, "I know which side my bread is buttered on.  And it's high time they asked me what I thought.  Those bastards denied me my chance to be Deputy Chancellor, and now I'm gonna show them that anyone, absolutely anyone, can run a school system, even Cathie Black.  She's way less qualified than I was.  Jeez, I actually taught for years before I wised up.  By the time we fix this thing, a drawbridge oiler will be able to be chancellor.  And it's very important we continue Joel Klein's policy of blaming unionized teachers for everything and taking responsibility for nothing whatsoever.  I'm certain Cathie Black can do that, at least.  I worked for Klein and was on the Tweed gravy train for years, leading to the cushy gig I hold now, but that will in no way influence my decision. I assure you my decision will be based solely on how pissed off I am about having been passed over."

Kenneth G. Slentz said, "Let's face it, I work for Commisioner Steiner.  He needs political cover.  If we recommend Black for the job, he's off the hook.  The important thing is that he never be blamed for hiring this person, and I'm certain once we sit around and act like we've been deliberating, everyone will believe we actually gave it some thought rather than simply caving to the whims of a billionaire media mogul.  Everyone knows that Michael Bloomberg gets whatever he wants.  I mean, the guy took a billion dollars to reduce class sizes and didn't do it.  He ran for mayor and bought himself a third term, even though voters had twice said two terms was the limit.  He could be President in 2012. Do you think Steiner wants to stand up to a guy like that?  No way, Jose."

As panel members retreated to the dining room for a gala luncheon, UFT President Michael Mulgrew observed, "All of these people have heavy-duty backgrounds and success in education, so obviously David Steiner is clearly looking at this from the educational side, as he should be.”

Steiner himself had no comment, though he nodded emphatically at Mulgrew's statement.