Monday, May 15, 2023

Two Things You May NOT Request in a #FairContractNow!

Hi it's me, your esteemed UFT President, Mike Mulgrew. First, don't mess with me or I'll sue your worthless ass. Getting down to business, we're negotiating a contract, and it's very important that you all join me in a fight for a #FairContractNow!. 

That's one of those hashtag thingies they use on Twitter. And hey, everyone should be on Twitter. Except me. I don't like it because people might say nasty things to me and hurt my feelings. But you do it. What's the worst that could happen? (Look at the bright side--it won't be happening to me.)

The other reason I'm not on Twitter because I have Very Important Stuff to do here on the 14th floor at 52 Broadway. But that's where you duespayers come in. So get out there, and we'll let you know when and what to tweet. Until then, just keep demanding that #FairContractNow! I want you to know we are laser-focused on getting some kind of paperwork thingie done for you, so feel free to demand paperwork stuff. I can't tell you exactly what paperwork stuff because everyone on the negotiating team has signed an NDA. But you get out there and demand whatever it is anyway. That's what we call union activism.

By the way. I'd just like to mention a few things you may not demand in our #FairContractNow! One of them is money. Money comes and goes, but it doesn't look like much of it is coming to you. As you know, DC37 got three percent a year. Now that may not sound so good when you consider that social security rated the cost of living at 5.9% for 2022 and 8.7% for 2023, but hey, does social security give those folks a bonus? Of course they don't. But DC37 got a three thousand buck bonus along with the three percent. So there you go. That's maybe enough to buy the sort of used car I see a lot of you out there driving.

Don't you want a new used car? Don't listen to those frigging fearmongers in the other caucuses, the ones telling you that getting a 3% raise when there's 8.7% inflation is a 5.7% cut in pay. First of all, are you going to be persuaded by mere arithmetic? Arithmetic is for first graders, and you are all college-educated. Let's grow up here, shall we? I am the President of the United Federation of Teachers, and as far as you know, I didn't get here by behaving like a first grader. Let me tell you, there were all kinds of maneuvers I had to make to get here. 

And look, it's not like this doesn't pay off. I make three times your salary, I still get paid as a full-time teacher though I don't teach at all, and I have these jobs at NYSUT and AFT too. Also, when I retire I will collect not only one pension from the DOE, but also another from UFT. So are you gonna sit there and whine about getting a 3% compensation increase, or are you gonna start running for UFT President? Make no mistake, I can't do this job forever, and once I step down everyone in my caucus is gonna pretend I never existed and take no responsibility for either this contract, your health care reductions, or anything else. Never mind that all of them expressed full-throated support, and none lifted a finger to stop me.

Anyhoo, the other thing that you may not ask about in #FairContractNow! is health care. Look, you can't spend all your time worried about your health. After all, this job is a calling, so start getting your mind in the game. Health is all a state of mind. Start thinking about what I think about, which is how I can save money for Eric Adams. How can I satisfy that visionary deal I made in 2018 to save the city 600 million dollars a year forever? Get with the program, folks.

I just dumped all the retirees into some Medicare Advantage plan, and now they'll need preapproval for stuff, and can't see all the doctors they used to see. Don't feel neglected. I'm working on improving your health care as well. The way I'm going to do that is by cutting 10% off of what we pay to insure you. Now sure, that sounds like a lot, but look at it this way. It's gonna save a crapload of money for Eric Adams, and he really needs it, among other things, to pay police double what the city allots for their overtime. 

Now I may ask you to wear blue one day. It could be orange. You never know. But doing stuff like that is important in our quest for a #FairContractNow! So don't forget to do whatever we tell you to do, whenever we tell you to do it. If you don't, you're against union activism! Then we can trash you on Twitter and elsewhere, and stereotype you and all your friends (and your little dog too). 

So get out there, wear blue or green or whatever when we tell you to, and loudly demand the city grant us some unspecified something or other about paperwork. Do not ask about money or health. Remember, this job is a calling, That means you can't be worried about your selfish needs. You just worry about serving those students. I'll focus on making more money for Eric Adams. 

You follow these ground rules, and we'll get along fine. Otherwise I'll sic my lawyers on you. Remember, union activism is you doing whatever I tell you to do, whenever I tell you to. Don't step outside those lines, and we'll get along just fine.

Your Dear Leader,







Michael Mulgrew

blog comments powered by Disqus