Thursday, March 01, 2018

Chancellor Chickens Out, I Step Up

That's right, I am volunteering to be Chancellor of NYC Schools, and I won't accept the 353K. I will do it for half that. That's appropriate because my first action will be to halve the salaries of everyone and anyone who worked under Bloomberg. If they don't take the hint, they're fired.

We will also turn around the rating system. We will design tests for all educational administrators. We are through with all this effective and ineffective stuff, and Danielson, on her own recommendation, will be out of the classroom for good.

Administrators will be tested to determine whether they are Not Insane. That will be our highest and only rating. If they miss the rating, they will join me in the 50% pay cut. If they don't like it, they can always leave, and we will all be better off.

Next, we will settle the UFT Contract. UFT members get a 20% pay raise across the board. Non-UFT members will no longer be covered by the contract, but we will give all of them $15 an hour, because minimum wage is too low, even for those too selfish or shortsighted to join a union.

Class size in high schools will fall to 25, as per C4E. At other levels, we will follow the C4E mandates. Any administrators with oversized classes will be personally fined $1,000 a week for each student in each oversized class. If DOE grants them exceptions, their fines will be halved. We are reasonable.

Special ed. teachers with co-teachers will be granted one free period for every co-teacher, Once they get up to four, they won't teach at all. The money we lose by granting more than one free period will be paid personally by the administrators who assign them. Also, any administrators assigning anyone more than one co-teacher will lose the Not Insane rating (if they have it) and see their salaries halved, for a second time if necessary.

ESL teachers will teach ESL. No one will help them, and they will no longer support teachers of other subjects until every English language learner is served with a full program of direct English instruction.

Teachers will not carry guns except when they have meetings with administrators who failed to be rated Not Insane.

First members of my staff will be the people who regularly ask questions at UFT Executive Board. Sandwich eaters need not apply. There will be jobs for genuine union activists who will turn their activism toward helping the children of New York City. There will be a handful of extraordinarily talented union people who I will steal.

We will be appropriating certain properties via eminent domain, like Trump Tower, Cathie Black's penthouse, and Bloomberg's brownstone to start. We will be converting them into public schools. These changes will help us reduce class sizes and avoid overcrowding. Eva is out. Private schools are out. Zillionaires will send their kids to public schools, and there will be swift and decisive changes.

Feel free to suggest further changes in the comments.
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