Monday, November 27, 2017

Blame the Teachers

So goes the rallying cry for the US of A. Students are failing tests, and the only possible value a human could have is measured on said tests. Whose fault? Well, it can't be the fault of the tests. After all, they're composed by experts, and we paid a lot of money for them. They must be the very best tests money can buy.

It can't possibly be poverty. Bill Gates has already decided that poverty is too complex to address, and if Bill's given up on it, we have to show him respect and give up on it too. It must be coincidence that students in Roslyn all do well on the tests and students in the Bronx don't. Sure, there is a correlation with high income and high test scores, and sure, this is true all over the country. But if Bill Gates says poverty is impossible to fix, he should know. After all, Bill has tried to fix many things in education and has succeeded in none whatsoever. So if there's a person who knows about not fixing things, it's Bill Gates.

It couldn't be homelessness. After all, only ten percent of NYC's students are homeless. We've already decided we aren't dealing with poverty. The fact is, these people likely wouldn't be homeless if they had the money to rent or buy a home. Obviously, poverty involves a similar lack of funds. Once we start to get these people homes we'll be addressing poverty. Bill Gates has already declared that off limits, and he must know something. Otherwise, why would he have all that money? So let's cross homelessness off our list.

It couldn't be lack of health care. After all, poor people in the United States should be used to not having health care by now. In fact, if Trump has his way, there'll be tens of millions more without it. So health care must not have anything to do with it. After all, it's all about grit. If you have grit you won't miss school. You'll hitch or crawl and do whatever's necessary to get to school and take that test. When Donald Trump was a kid, his chauffeur had to drive him 20 miles to school every day, and it didn't matter if there were two inches of snow on the ground.

In fact I'm sure it isn't health care. Otherwise, why would a children's health care program be in imminent danger? The important thing, according to the honorable members of Congress, is to reduce the corporate tax rate from 35 to 20%. Also, gazillionaires really need a substantive tax break. So what if the children have to medicate themselves with Robitussion and there are massive cuts to Medicare and Medicaid? Because priorities.

It must be those lazy shiftless teachers and their unions working once again to subvert the test scores of our most vulnerable children. All they care about is themselves. Surely that's why Congress wants to kill the tax deduction for supplies. If they really cared about the children, they'd pay for supplies out of their pockets. After all, golf vacations at Trump properties don't grow on trees, and we have to save a whole lot of money to pay for them every single weekend.

No we have to place the blame where it's due. Thank goodness the GOP blocked the Democratic nomination for Supreme Court and changed the rules to push their guy through. Soon we can Right to Work the whole country, deprive unions of funds, and pay teachers the same as McDonald's fry cooks. They can have the same benefits too.

Because in the US of A, that's how we put children first.
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