Tuesday, April 26, 2016

UFT Unity Demands Fairness

In a surprise move, all UFT employees took to the streets yesterday demanding equal treatment. UFT President Michael Mulgrew spoke first.

"Well, I personally haven't taught a class in years. But I'm demanding to be rated on my performance anyway because the whole Danielson experience is so wonderful. Every single one of the people with whom I speak, all of whom have signed loyalty oaths, tell me it's the bestest thing ever."

"Anyway, it's unlikely we will get the whole Danielson experience, what with so many of us who don't even teach at all, but as long as we're out here demanding it, well, it looks like we care about this stuff, and that's what's important, if you know what I mean."

Special Representatives in the UFT do not teach at all. District Representatives and officers in the UFT only teach one class and are therefore not rated by Danielson. Most of them, in fact, have never been rated by Danielson and have no firsthand notion what it's like. Of course, that doesn't mean they haven't got strong opinions.

"I'm tired of getting this S and U and being rated entirely by the principal," said District Representative Beatrice Babosa. "It's not fair that the teachers have all the fun. I can't wait until they finally observe me six times a year and hand me a checklist that neither I nor anyone else actually understands," she said. "After all, since we relentlessly criticize our opponents for opposing a junk science-based system, the very least we can do to demand that we participate in it."

The District Reps say they will march each and every day until the DOE awards them the equity they demand. "All of my staff is unhappy," said Mulgrew. "It's quite unfair that only working teachers are afforded the fantastic benefits of this system. Why should they be the only ones facing the burden of proof when the DOE tries to fire them?"

Martin Menteur, UFT Vice President of Truthiness, had this to say. "It's not fair that all of my colleagues get to be judged by Danielson and all I get is this stinking S or U. That's 100% based on principal evaluation, and that's unfair. I demand to be rated on the test scores of students I may or may not teach, just like all my colleagues."

Tempers ran hot, but cooled down just before noon, when all parties left to go to a gala luncheon at the NY Hilton.

"It's tough running off to gala luncheons day after day," said Menteur. "Sometimes you just don't know what to order. Sometimes I miss my old job," said Menteur, who then appeared to be overtaken by sudden spasms of uncontrollable laughter.

When this reporter asked Menteur whether he'd rather eat at the school cafeteria with his colleagues, he said, "No comment," and rushed into a stretch limo, from which several popped corks seem to emerge all at once.

But the Unity reps say they will be out protesting each and every day until and unless they find something better to do.
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