Sunday, January 12, 2014

Why We Need Merit Pay

by guest blogger Educator for Excellence

First of all, it's important for teachers to be recognized. That's why I'm so glad we're no longer rated satisfactory or unsatisfactory. I, for one, am excellent. That's just one reason I don't teach anymore. Another is all that money I get to run this organization. Let me tell you, we have offices all over the country. I fly here, I do this, I meet rich people, and I go to gala luncheons. You better believe it beats the hell out of that school cafeteria.

There are lots of us E4E folks around. The important thing to remember about us is that we don't really want to be teachers. For example, Rubin Frisbee, a good buddy of mine, didn't even get tenure. Rather than bother trying again, he quit, took an Ivy League course, and now runs the whole damn school. Isn't it great that someone who never earned tenure can just tell everyone else who did how to teach? Only in America!

So anyway, on this merit pay thing. For one thing, we still have people out there teaching, and I can assure you they won't hang around waiting. And between us, I happen to know they're holding back the good stuff until they can get that bonus. OK, to tell you the truth, they won't hang around even if they get the bonus. There are higher-paying jobs than teaching, and they will get them. They will go into administration, or they will come and work with me at E4E, or maybe they'll get jobs at the DOE.

Actually, with de Blasio in, we can't be altogether sure about those DOE gigs. But it doesn't matter because they're always looking for people over at the Gates Foundation. And if there's nothing there, there's always the Walton Foundation and the Broad Foundation. And then there are those hedge funders always looking for glitzy ways to invest their disposable income. It's a win-win-win-win-win.

Just like cockroaches after a nuclear blast, we will always be around. Unless you want us to teach, because we move away from that stuff ASAP. But the important thing to remember is you won't keep us in the classroom unless we get merit pay. And if we get merit pay, we are still leaving the classroom.

And that is why we need merit pay.
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