Friday, January 27, 2012

The Klingon Cloaking Device

Hi folks. It's me,  Bill Gates. I'm the guy who brought you Windows, the very best operating system you can get on a $400 computer, and I'm here to tell you that I've turned my expertise to education. Sure, some people say I know nothing about education, but they're a bunch of phony bastards, and I hate phony bastards.

So anyhoo, as you know, we've spent millions of dollars observing teachers and videotaping them in order to identify the best teachers so we can fire the other 99% of phonies. But we've had some problems doing that. That kills me.

It turns out that most of the teachers we saw were actually doing a good job. Since they're a bunch of phonies, there's only one explanation I can come up with. Clearly the teachers act better when being observed, and sit around reading comic books when our cameras aren't up. I was watching a TV show the other day when it came to me. That's why I've given my ace Microsoft team the task of coming up with a Klingon cloaking device with which to observe teachers. This caused a great deal of consternation amongst my crack team, many of whom suggested what we needed was an invisibility cloak, like Harry Potter has. Who the hell is Harry Potter? I'm Bill Gates, dammit, and I know what we need. We need a Klingon cloaking device.

Once I told those bastards, they got the message all right. So now, we will be able to creep in unseen, find out what really goes on in those damn classrooms, and fire the hell out of those unionized lowlife phonies. In fact, I get a chuckle when I think about all the things we can do. Since no one will see them, administrators could write up any damn thing, and use it to fire teachers, like those bastards at Pencey Prep.

In fact, once we fire them all, we can push charter schools in and finally have people turn a profit from this industry. Sure all the manufacturing jobs are gone, but why shouldn't someone make a damn buck from education? Or, preferably, a million bucks? With just a little seed money, we've been able to pretty much get the whole country racing to follow our agenda. The next step is to make the education system look like New Orleans, with 75% charters and rising. Who needs public schools? They're full of phonies anyway. I hate phonies.

We haven't figured out how to flood the whole country, but dammit, we're making good progress. Even if we can't control nature, controlling big-time politicians is child's play.
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