Friday, September 04, 2020

Another Letter from the Chancellor

Dear Colleagues,
I know how hard you are all working to ready your schools for fall. I know you are all freaked out from weeks of anxiety over a strike, the result of my gross neglect and indifference. We are right there with you, if you consider my air-conditioned office right there with you. I know you were frightened for your lives last year. I have never seen or experienced anything like it, because you’ve never seen my ass in a school building unless it was a pre-staged photo op with my boss.

This is the most complex start of school we have ever worked on, and I haven’t got the first clue how it will work. I know, we don’t have enough teachers to make my crazy plan workable. I hear you loud and clear. I just don’t care. That’s why I drove you to the brink of the first strike in half a century before I even considered delaying the school year. You still come in on September 8, because screw you. Starting on September 16, you will start doing remote stuff. We don’t know how that will work, because we don’t know how anything works. And believe me, I also speak for the mayor when I say we don’t care either. 

Additionally, beginning October 1 and recurring each month, mandatory testing in schools will be comprised of a random sample of 10-20% of a school's student and staff population. We wanted it to be completely voluntary because we like being accountable for nothing, but we understand that when we screw up, and we will, you will drag our sorry asses to court. If you can find us, that is. 

We have wasted a great deal of your time pushing you toward a strike, and thoroughly ruined the summers of each and every one of you. I look forward to deepening that work in the upcoming school year.

Don’t bother writing me back. I can read all about myself on Twitter.
In unity,

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