Saturday, June 01, 2019

Geniuses in Albany Schedule Regents Exams for Monday

It must be great to sit around some Hogwarts-worthy building and decide what the rest of the state is going to do. Why not just schedule a Regents exam before school ends? That's a great idea, isn't it? Because every idea is a great idea if you have it. After all, if you weren't a genius, why would you have a job that entailed going to gala luncheons, staying in fancy hotels for conferences, and making arbitrary decisions with no rationale whatsoever?

Of course teachers will complain, but isn't that what they always do? If they had a point, why would they have such crappy jobs? Thank God they have us here to regulate them. We've done them the great favor of making sure they don't grade their own students on our brilliant exams. After all, they can't be trusted. They would manipulate the scores. Someone who only got 64 on an exam could be given a 65, and that would be terrible.

And anyway, manipulating scores is our job. We decide which percentage of students will pass and fail, and set cut scores to make sure things go our way. When teachers do it, it's corruption. When we do it, it's common sense. It's our job to make Michael Bloomberg look like an extraordinary innovator. It's our job to make the teachers look incompetent. It's our job to deny dangerous ideas like lowering class size in NY State. How will that contribute to more and longer gala luncheons? And Bill Gates doesn't believe in it, so why should we?

Now here's what the teachers are saying--they're claiming that the students will be unmotivated to continue in their classes after the Regents exams are over. They're claiming that the students will have issues about coming back to class. That, of course, is the fault of the teachers. If they were gracious and charming enough, the students would come back simply to see their smiling faces.

The fact is Regents exams come but once a year. Sure it's an important time for us. But when Regents exams are over in June, do you think we just stop going out to gala luncheons? Of course not! Do you know how many restaurants there are in Albany? Well, there are a lot. There are enough of them that we can go to a different one each and every day. Not only that, but there are plenty that will deliver to education conferences.

You need energy to do what we do. Do you have any idea how long it takes to give a valet your car in Albany? And once you do that, you have to walk to the restaurant, which could be one, even two blocks away. By the time you get out, walk to the restaurant, walk back, have the valet pick up your care, pay and tip, and fill out the expense account form, it's time to go back home. Do you think the state pays for your time once you leave work? Well they don't.

And the next day, you go to work at 11:30 or so, and you sometimes have to wait up to thirty minutes before it's time to go out to lunch again. Sometimes you have to go to meetings, and sign forms, and pretend you wrote whatever it was you signed.

So don't come complaining to us about your trivial little issues, teachers. We don't see you going to luncheons each and every day. Until you're willing to walk the walk, shut the hell up and leave us alone.
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