Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Student Perception Survey 2018

About a week ago I got the results of our last "Student Perception Survey," the one we gave a year ago. I'm not exactly sure how that was supposed to help us. given the results came from students we don't even see anymore. We did, however, go through the steps of this absurd exercise once again this year, so once again I'm sharing my impression of what it looked like.

1. How much do you hate this class?

a. I hate it.   b. I really hate it   c. I hate it to the moon and back.

2. How much does this teacher care whether you learn the material?

a. just teaches it   b. stays an hour after class to explain   c. comes to my home to explain

3. How bored are you in this class?

a. normal   b. abnormal   c. Oh my gosh, get me out of here!

4. How much time does the teacher spend decorating the classroom?

a only a few hours a week   b. 50 hours a week   c. 200 hours a week

5. How often does this teacher make you explain your answers?

a. all the time, the bastard  b. all the time, the SOB  c. all the time, the reptilian crud face

6. How unfair are the rules for this class?

a. fairly unfair   b. very unfair  c. extremely unfair

7. How much does this teacher give a crap how well you do?

a. one crap   b. two craps  c. not even a crap

8. How much does the teacher's failure to control the class bother you?

a. a little   b. a lot  c. The teacher is a snowflake.

9. How often do you stare at the clock and pray it will move?

a. ten times a period   b. a hundred times a period  c. all period

10. How little does this teacher care how you do?

a. very little  b. not at all  c. Teacher actively works to make me fail.

11. How much does your teacher hate teaching?

a. a lot   b. as much as I hate the class   c. even more than I hate the class

12. When class finally ends, how much time do you spend regretting every minute you wasted?

a. an hour   b. endless hours   c. all the time

13. When you give up because the class is hopelessly incomprehensible, how much time does the teacher spend ridiculing you?

a. the whole period   b. Teacher stays after class to ridicule me more  c. Teacher follows me home.

14. How much does this teacher know about the topic of the class?

a. nothing   b. less than nothing  c. Class has no particular topic.

15.How many times per period does this class make you wish to commit an unnatural act?

a. many times  b. a lot  c. all the time

16. Does this teacher come over your house and cook Thanksgiving Dinner?

a. Never, the bastard   b. Sometimes, the bastard   c. Always, the bastard

17. How often does this teacher make cruel remarks for no reason?

a. sometimes   b. usually   c. always

18. How disrespectful is this teacher?

a. pretty much so   b. very much so   c. burning this teacher in effigy later today

19. How much does this teacher fail to control the class?

a. as much as other teachers  b. more than other teachers  c. It's psychedelic pandemonium.

20. How much of your time does this teacher waste?

a. the entire period   b. I waste time thinking about it after class as well. c. my entire life

21. How insincere is this teacher when asking how you are?

a. very   b. totally   c. 100%

22. How out of touch is this teacher?

a. very   b. totally   c. 100%

23. You know by now we want you to say the teacher sucks. Does the teacher suck?

a. Yes.   b. certainly   c. Of course.

24. If you walked into class upset, how little would the teacher care?

a. very little   b. not at all   c. Teacher would make it worse on purpose.

25. How poorly does the teacher answer your questions?

a. very poorly   b. just looks into space and says nothing   c. shoots me into space and says nothing

26. How alienated are you from this teacher?

a. very   b. totally   c. 100%

27. Overall, how much do you hate this class and this teacher?

a. I hate it.   b. I really hate it   c. I hate it to the moon and back.
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