Full disclosure--found on the internet, unattributed.
You don't know how to cook a turkey. You serve a chicken instead. Half
your family doesn't show because they are unmotivated by your
invitation, which was issued at the last minute via facebook. The other
half turn on the football game and fall asleep. Your aunt tells your
uncle where to stick the drumstick and a brawl erupts. Food is served on
paper plates in front of the TV. You watch the game, and root for the
Developing: You set the alarm, but don't
get up and the turkey is undercooked. 3 children are laughing while you
say grace. 4 of your nephews refuse to watch the game with the rest of
the family because you have failed to offer differentiated game choices.
Conversation during dinner is marked by family members mumbling under
their breath at your Aunt Rose, who confuses the Mayflower with the
Titanic after her third Martini. Only the drunk guests thank you on the
way out. Your team loses the game.
Effective: The turkey
is heated to the right temperature. All the guests, whom you have
invited by formal written correspondence, arrive on time with their
assigned dish to pass. Your nephew sneaks near the desert dish, but
quickly walks away when you mention that it is being saved until after
dinner. You share a meal in which all family members speak respectfully
in turn as they share their thoughts on the meaning of Thanksgiving. All
foods served at the table can be traced historically to the time of the
Pilgrims. You watch the game as a family, cheer in unison for your
team. They win.
Highly Effective: The turkey, which has been
growing free range in your back yard, comes in your house and jumps in
the oven. The guests, who wrote to ask you please be invited to your
house, show early with foods to fit all dietary and cultural needs. You
watch the game on tape, but only as an video prompt for your family
discussion of man's inhumanity to man. Your family plays six degrees of
Sir Francis Bacon and is thus able to resolve, once and for all, the
issue of whether Oswald acted alone.
Originally posted November 28, 2013