Wednesday, May 25, 2016

What the Panorama Student Survey Looked Like to Me

In the original NYC APPR agreement written up by Reformy John King, 5% of our rating was supposed to come via student surveys. By the time there actually was one in place, last year, surveys were out and they didn't count. But NYC decided to fund another one anyway. I was pretty shocked at this one, most certainly not an improvement upon the last one.

What do you like better--cute puppies or this teacher?

How high do you jump when the teacher walks into the room?

How high does the teacher jump when you walk into the room?

 Does this teacher suck?

How often does the teacher ignore the other 33-49 teenagers in the room and pay you individual attention?

Who do you love more--your parents or this teacher?

What has this teacher done to make you love standardized testing?

Have you gotten 100% on every test you've taken in this teacher's class? If not, what has this teacher done wrong and how can this teacher fix what he or she has done wrong?

Does this teacher pay attention to the other 33-49 students in the class and ignore you?

No, really, does the teacher suck?

Does this teacher make you look forward to waking up at 4 in the morning and sitting on the train for two hours to get to school? Does this teacher make you feel it was a good idea to have closed the school across the street from your house?

If you have a little puppy you love, would you rather be with that puppy or this teacher?

Do you feel like this teacher is preparing you for college? Has this teacher filled out your college applications for you? If not, why the hell not?

If we were to charge you to come to school, how much would you pay to be in this teacher's class?

What do you look forward to more--seeing your lover or this teacher?

Does this teacher inspire you to spend 15 hours a day studying in the public library and give up not only sleep but also every conceivable form of recreation known to humankind?

If you could kill every teacher in the world, how many other teachers would you kill before you killed this one?

Come on, you can tell us if the teacher sucks. We won't tell anyone.

If there were a piano falling from the sky and you could either push this teacher or your favorite musician out of the way, who would you push and why?

How much would you pay for a plastic statue of this teacher to be placed on the dashboard of your car? If you don't want one, what has this teacher done to make you not want it?

Did you see that movie Freedom Writers? Is this teacher as good-looking as the actress who played that teacher? If not, why not? 

If you were falling from the Empire State Building, who would you want to rescue you? This teacher or Superman? 

Does this survey make you feel like the city cares more about you than this teacher does? Does it make you feel better about the rodent-infested building we placed you in? Do you think the rodents are the fault of this teacher? How about the moldy trailer we put you in? I mean, why doesn't this teacher hire a company to clean it if he or she cares about you? Think about it.

When we opened the schools despite there being five feet of snow on the ground, did this teacher make you believe Chancellor Fariña's pronouncement that it was a beautiful day?

Seriously, this is an anonymous form. You can tell us the teacher sucked. No one will ever know. So, come on. Go ahead. How does this teacher suck? Let us count the ways. If you don't know how, it's probably this teacher's fault anyway, right?
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