Friday, September 11, 2015

We Bloggers Gotta Get the Banned Together

Sometimes we bloggers feel rivalry. For example, you may know that José Luis Vilson not only wrote a book, but also actually got it published. And if you don’t think that in itself is impressive, not only have a whole bunch of people read it, but I even read it myself. (Personally, even the idea of writing a book makes me tired.)

But blogger rivalry runs deeper than that. The fact is, whenever I looked up my blog on DOE computers, it just showed up right there, in front of my face. José’s blog was blocked, though, because he’s a dangerous man. So I thought to myself, how can I become as dangerous as José? I tried putting on a fearsome expression, but my students just laughed at me. My wife said she thought I was sick and demanded I go to the doctor. So I gave that up.

I went to plan B, which was sulking. I moped around for a while, but it was very tough. People are always demanding I do stuff and answer questions, so I never get the time I’d really like for a good sulk. So for almost the entire Bloomberg administration I had to endure the stigma as José was banned and I was right out there.

Another thing José and I have in common was our support of Mayor de Blasio. I contributed to his campaign, and got a gold ticket to his inauguration. José only got a blue ticket or something, so I briefly felt a sense of having gotten somewhere. But it turned out we both had to sit outside in the freezing cold, and I was only a little closer to the center. (Had there been heat, that would've been something worth boasting about.)

This year I came to school a few days early with my laptop, and decided to check the blog. I do that from time to time, because you never know who’s gonna come around and say whatever. And it turns out Mayor de Blasio decided to show his appreciation for having supported his election. He did this by blocking my blog. (So in your face, José.)

Now that I have finally reached the summit of the blogging mountain, people notice me more. They look at me differently. People say, “Hey  NYC Educator, what’s it like to be so macho and tough and good looking?” I tell them it’s hard work. You have to say just the right things, and you have to insult just the right people.

And if you aren’t impressed by the fact that I’m banned in the DOE, I have to tell you I’m also banned in China. (And no, this is not an empty boast. I’m friends with one of our Chinese teachers and she always complains she can’t read the blog when she’s there). As you probably know, China’s a pretty big country. There are now well over a billion people who can’t read what you’re reading right now.

So today China, tomorrow the DOE. My pet project now is to have the blog banned in all these United States. Then it will be really elite. Eventually, I aim to become the JD Salinger of bloggers.

Wish me luck.
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