Monday, July 28, 2014

Random Families File Lawsuit Demanding Bazillion Dollar Raise for Teachers

Exclusive--Seven families have filed a lawsuit in Albany claiming that their children received an excellent education due to teacher tenure. The parents are claiming that if the teachers had not had job protections they may not have taught their children. They further claim if their children's teachers did not have the freedom to make decisions regarding the education of their children the quality of education may not have been the same.

"There's no reason my kid should not receive an excellent education," said one of the parents. "The law should be changed to give teachers a larger voice in policy. Why should we tie their hands with Common Core nonsense when we could let teachers work with our kids depending on their individual needs?"

"Who the hell is Campbell Brown and what the hell do we need her for?" asked another. "She's clearly a publicity hound who doesn't know anything about our kids. How the hell can she consider using a parent who's on the payroll of Students First?  We trust our teachers."

When asked about news stories regarding the Campbell Brown lawsuit, another parent picked up the paper and read the following:

The complaint does not name the allegedly incompetent educators, but argues that tenure laws lead to bad teachers, a claim supported by some research.
"First of all, these claims are just hearsay. There's no evidence whatsoever to suggest these stories are true, and even if they are, there's none to suggest that only teachers are responsible. Even worse, the reporters just write 'a claim supported by some research.' They don't say what research. Is the 'research' the unsubstantiated stories told by the kids in the lawsuit? Who wrote the research? Who funded it? Is the research credible? How do we know the reporters didn't just make it up, or take the word of Campbell Brown? Where does Brown get her funding?"

Since the reporters have seen fit to neither address nor answer any of these questions, it's a mystery. But since the word of seven carefully-chosen families is apparently sufficient to change laws, the lawsuit demands that teacher tenure not only remain on the books, but also that all teachers get a bazillion dollar raise.

When your correspondent pointed out that bazillion was not a real number, a parent replied, "Campbell Brown is not a real public school parent. We don't know who's in her group and we don't know where she gets her money. There are a bazillion reasons we don't need her or any of her uber-wealthy pals claiming to care for our kids. We need them messing with our schools even less."
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