Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Fire All Perv Reporters

As you can imagine, I was horrified when my pal Reality-Based Educator notified me that a news reporter was arrested on child molestation charges. These charges are as serious, in fact more serious than most of those the Daily News, Senator-without-sin Ruben Diaz and legal expert Campbell Brown have been tossing about for the last few weeks.

What's truly shocking is Fox News merely suspended him, rather than firing him without any discovery of the facts. The Daily News, Diaz, and legal expert Brown insist that teachers be fired even if the arbitrator has determined the offense does not merit it. They want a highly prejudiced person like Bloomberg mouthpiece Dennis Walcott to be able to overturn decisions his infallible boss agreed to by contract.

I'm also highly prejudiced, however. I'm prejudiced in favor of due process. I'm prejudiced in favor of fair deals for working people. I'm prejudiced in favor of following rules you negotiate, and not whining, "I don't feel like following that darn contract!" In fact, I'm prejudiced in favor of negotiating new contracts when old ones expire, rather than simply saying, "Screw you, I'm taking my ball and going home."

But hey, if journalists don't think they should get a trial, if they don't think the judge's verdict should mean anything, if they prefer to be judged by someone with no legal knowledge or regard for the rules, if they think it's fair to be judged by someone who convicts 100% of the time regardless of the circumstances, I'm willing to volunteer.

In fact, I volunteer my services for each and every reporter writing about this nonsensical topic, up to and including legal expert Campbell Brown. I'm willing not only to convict them all without the slightest charge, but also to create new unsubstantiated ones to ruin their reputation for no reason whatsoever.  If there are charges, it matters not to me whether they are true, false, or simply transmitted to or from a tinfoil hat.

I'm willing to convict them, ruin their careers, and quite possibly ruin their lives for no reason whatsoever. And, of course, I'll simply claim to be doing it for the children.

God help those children when they grow up, if they're judged by the same standards these sterling reporters judge us.
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