Thursday, March 14, 2013

State of the State Education Funding.

Hi, I'm student lobbyist Governor Andrew Cuomo. Now I've been getting a little bit of a bad rap in the press lately because I took 240 million dollars away from New York City schoolchildren. But I did it for a good cause. The city and the UFT couldn't agree on an evaluation system, and someone must pay. As student lobbyist, it's my job to defend the children. That's why I'm making them pay.

I mean, honestly, they're city kids. They can't afford private schools and they won't notice if there a a few teachers missing. I mean, New York City already has 34 kids in a class, so if it goes up to 36 or 37, what's the dif?

And honestly, if the city pays a few less teachers, there will be more money for tax cuts for my buds. These are the kind of folks who will really notice if they have less money. Do you know how much it costs to maintain a yacht these days? Be thankful you don't have to fret over such things. That's why I took a principled stand against the millionaire tax, and a whole bunch of cash from the folks whose taxes I cut.

Now let's be frank. Sure I took the money from those kids, and sure I will fight like hell to keep from giving it back. And sure there are people who think I still owe 5 billion in CFE funds to NYC. But they won't miss what they've never had, so why can't we just leave well enough alone? And honestly, the 240 mil is just for this year. Next year I'll give whatever I give next year, OK?

So let's face it, it's always better to give breaks to people who really appreciate and love money, and that's what I'm gonna do. It's OK. I'm a Democrat, and Democrats can do stuff like that.

So please, New York, just forget about that money, OK? Do you really wanna pry it from my cold dead hands? Even if you do, do you think you can figure where I buried it before I tip off my well-to-do BFFs? Would you go out in the middle of the night with a shovel to find it?

Because believe me, I know people who will. So listen, New York, please just go about your business and stop bugging me. I've got a sensitive stomach, I regularly eat that stuff you see Sandra Lee making on TV, and I could really use a break, OK? So will you just get out of my face already?

Thank you New York.
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