Wednesday, December 19, 2012

DOE and UFT Agree on Apocalypse Plan

Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that, due to the impending Mayan Apocalypse, NYC schools would have to make up whatever school days were lost due to the end of the world. UFT President Michael Mulgrew agreed, sending an email to UFT members that the days would have to be made up, even if it cut into summer vacation.

Bloggers were apoplectic. Mr. Accountable Talk insisted there should be no makeup days without a contract in place, and wrote a parody of a UFT Q and A. . Norm Scott said this proved the UFT was Vichy, and said, "Watch what they do, not what they say."

UFT officials said it was the law, that the law was the law, and that anyone who contemplated not following the law was a criminal. They asked if we wanted post-apocalyptic news accounts in the NY Post to label working UFT members criminal. Representatives of the New Action Caucus stated that they absolutely deplored this action, that it was beyond reproach and reprehensible, but that they were still supporting Mulgrew for President, and anyone who wasn't was a filthy socialist.

Gotham Schools ran a feature about how nine E4E members had signed a petition urging the mayor to impose an evaluation system before the apocalypse, so that it could be put into effect on the makeup days. E4E leader Evan Stone, said he was not satisfactory but excellent, and needed an evaluation system to establish this conclusively. (Gotham neglected to mention that Mr. Stone no longer works as a teacher.)

Michelle Rhee said that it was a shame the world was coming to an end, but that this only strengthened her resolve. "Teachers suck," said Ms. Rhee, "just like my kids suck at soccer. We need to fire them. I'd invite you to watch me fire one, but unfortunately I myself was fired from the job I had firing teachers. We need more charter schools." When I asked her why, Ms. Rhee leapt from the lectern and chased me all over the hall. She had Michah Lasher hold me down while she duct-taped my mouth shut.

Due to the uproar, the UFT will be publishing a Q and A on why teachers would need to come in after the end of the world, and rolled out a plan to establish a post-apocalypse fund for affected members. This plan will go to the Delegate Assembly so as to preclude rank and file voting on it.

HT: Michael Fiorillo
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