Hi there, all you folks in education land! It's me, Chancellor "Waffles" Walcott, telling you that Mayor Bloomberg has decided to take action against "perv" teachers, and I agree completely! First of all, we've had it with those nasty arbitrators! Sometimes, they even decide against us! I ask you, is that reasonable? You don't see anyone ruling against us on the PEP, where Mayor Bloomberg has 8 of 13 votes. If any of them threaten to vote the wrong way, Mayor Bloomberg fires them before they can do so. That's great policy, and I agree completely.
Frankly, the only way we can represent children in the way Mayor Bloomberg wishes to, with which I agree completely, is to make sure he gets the final word. Well, technically I get the final word, but as you see with U ratings of teachers, I reject virtually every single case, whether or not there is evidence. That's the way the mayor wants it, and I agree completely.
So let's say that one of these "perv" teachers gets accused of something, and one of those useless arbitrators determines it isn't true? What the hell do they know anyway? Are they taking instructions from Mayor Bloomberg? If they were, I'd agree completely. But it appears they are not.
So what is it we want? Well, we found some NY Senator from Poughkeepsie to propose a bill that says, if the independent arbitrator finds their case to be baseless, we can fire that darn teacher anyway! That'll teach 'em a lesson! (Get it? That's just one of the cool education jokes we like to tell around Tweed! We are lots of fun when you get to know us. Really!)
So here's the thing. It probably won't get passed, as there are folks in the Assembly that insist on reading this stuff before they vote for it. (Mayor Bloomberg hates that, and I agree completely.) So it won't get passed. But even if it doesn't, we'll get teacher sex stories in the Post every day for a month. This way, we can not only put the union in the position of looking like they defend perv teachers, but also harp on those 16 cases that were dismissed! Sure, you'll say, these cases were found to be without merit. Well, let me tell you, you wouldn't know that from reading those darn tabloids! Joe SixPack, or whoever reads this stuff, thinks teachers do this stuff all the time, whether or not they actually did it.
So, given that, Mayor Bloomberg thinks we should fire teachers whether or not they're actually guilty, and I agree completely! It's another wonderful day in Mr. Bloomberg's neighborhood! And remember, if you're in the neighborhood of Tweed, feel free to step up to one of the food trucks and buy yourself a waffle!
Views expressed herein are solely those of the author or authors, and do not reflect views of my employers, the United Federation of Teachers, the MORE Caucus or any other union caucus.
Stories herein containing unnamed or invented characters are works of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.