Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Sandra Inspires Andy

Hi everyone! It's me, Sandra Lee, the best goldarn cook on Food Network! Last night Andy Bear and I were talking over my Jellied Spam on the Half-Shell (really a half-can, but I digress), when he started talking about stocks. I don't know anything about stocks, so I made my pouty face, and then Andy started projectile vomiting (Oh, I don't know what I'd do without my good old plastic tablecloths!), and I said I wished someone would teach me about stocks.

Andy was wiping his face, and oh darn, there's another suit that has to go to the cleaners, when he got an idea. I knew he had an idea because while he was dumping the Jellied Spam into the dog's dish, he started to say something before that darn vomiting started again. Let me tell you, I have a million ways to clean vomit! I may write a book if I can just clean the darn laptop safely.

Anyhoo, Andy Bear says he's going to show that he's tough! Now that those darn teachers will have their ratings in the papers every blessed year, there will certainly be some bad eggs (that gives me a recipe idea!) who need to be dealt with. Sure, the New York Post will run articles about them, but how will that make Andy Bear look like the big old tough guy he wants New Yorkers to think he is. He says I'm his little good luck charm and that my idea about stocks was just what he needed!

I'll tell you a little secret. Andy Bear is always fretting over how his Dad was perceived as too liberal. That darn death penalty thing really did him in. He was always taking principled stands against things like that. That's why when Andy took a principled stand, it was against taxing those nice Koch brothers who gave him all that money when he was running for governor.

So it looks like we'll take the lowest-rated teachers, place them in the stocks, and folks can just have at it, throwing tomatoes or whatever. In my house, there's always a ton of leftover food to get rid of (and if your cooking anywhere near like I am, I'm sure your house is the same). I whipped up a pitcher of Pork Rind Vanilla Martinis to celebrate, and wouldn't you know it, Andy accidentally spilled it again! He is such a clumsy-puss! Fortunately, I use only plastic pitchers, so there was little muss, and that darn dog lapped it up. Then he threw up all over my plastic reproduction Velvet Elvis bathmat, but fortunately I cleaned that up in a jiffy!

Toodles, friends! Be speaking with you again after a little house cleaning!
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