Hi everyone. It's me, your old pal Condoleezza Rice. You remember me. I'm the one who brought you the Iraq War. You know, I was the one who kept saying we didn't want the smoking gun to become a mushroom cloud, that Sadaam had WMDs, and all that. That's why we went to Iraq. Oh, popcorn balls, we didn't actually go, but we sent an awful lot of soldiers there and spent a whole lot of money. Well, we all know how that went.
Now I've got a new interest, which is education. It turns out the whole smoking gun mushroom cloud thing is happening in our public schools. Gee whillikers, if we don't do something about that, the terrorists could win! So Joel Klein and I have decided what we need, and need right away, are vouchers, tests, charter schools, tests, merit pay, tests, and, fer cryin' out loud, the ability to fire those darn teachers whenever we feel like it. Jumpin' Jehosophat, that's the only way to save the system. You can trust Joel because he works for Rupert Murdoch, who brings you Fox News, which is fair and balanced.
The only thing is that a bunch of nervous Nellies got in on all the fun and are saying things that somehow got appended to our important report. My advice is not to click on that link and not to read it. You know the sort of quality you can expect from Joel Klein and me, and I assure you we are bringing you more of the same. If you follow our advice, by gum, you'll do to education precisely what George W. Bush and I did to Iraq.
Joel and I can't wait to start working our magic on the nation's schools! And believe you me, with a partner like Arne Duncan it's just a matter of time!
Stories herein containing unnamed or invented characters are works of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.