Good morning, New York. It's me, Mayor Michael Bloomberg. You know, a lot of people ask me what I'm up to nowadays. Well, I've got my eye on this new teacher evaluation system. I'm sure you know that last year I tried to get rid of that seniority clause when firing teachers. I say, let's keep the best teachers. The most effective teachers. And by that, I mean the most cost-effective teachers.
You know, there was a time in this country, before unions and child labor laws, when entrepreneurship ruled the day. And in private enterprise, we've moved back toward that model. That's why my people walked out of talks with the UFT last week. I mean, what's all this nonsense about independent arbitrators? Once we fire you, you should be fired. That's how we do it in a business model. We're the bosses and what we say goes.
Now sure, there are all those pissy teachers whining about, "Oh, you need a reason before you fire us." But we have reasons. You make too much money. You complain too much. You are a pain in the neck. You see what I'm getting at. That's how we do it in private enterprise. Basically, if we can fire people for no good reason in the private sector, we ought to do the same in the public sector.
Let me tell you, as a billionaire, that when you become a billionaire, you'll be glad we made these laws. So don't go whining about your rights, your job, and your benefits, because once you become as rich as I am, you'll have to pay into these things, and it will surely damage your bottom line. You can never have too much stashed away, if you get my drift. Once you accumulate enough money and power, you'll be able to manipulate the law to do whatever you like. For example, New Yorkers twice voted for term limits, and with the help of my good pal Christine Quinn, I was able to simply change the law and get a third term for both of us!
So, New York, stop thinking about short term nonsense, like losing your job, your health benefits, your home, and all that blah, blah, blah. Just keep your eye on the ball, and remember that when you become a billionaire, all my efforts will benefit you.
Thank you New York, and I wish you all a lucrative day.
Views expressed herein are solely those of the author or authors, and do not reflect views of my employers, the United Federation of Teachers, the MORE Caucus or any other union caucus.
Stories herein containing unnamed or invented characters are works of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.