2. Stock some healthy items, along with the aisles of cheap crap for which you're renowned.
3. Place these items somewhere in your megastore, next to the stuff made in some third-world rathole by people who work for 18 cents an hour.
4. Get her to talk about it in front of your logo, making it appear the American government endorses your company. Point out to President such a move will make him appear business-friendly, rather than the socialist Glenn Beck keeps saying he is.
5. Make sure she gets onto NPR, so all the liberals who don't realize Obama is a corporatist will flock to Walmart for baby carrots.
6. Then, sit and count the pile of money you've made after paying your non-unionized workers the pittance they get, largely as a result of decades of preventing unionization. Try not to publicly dive into pile headfirst, a la Uncle Scrooge.
Views expressed herein are solely those of the author or authors, and do not reflect views of my employers, the United Federation of Teachers, the MORE Caucus or any other union caucus.
Stories herein containing unnamed or invented characters are works of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.