Clearly I have none, and it isn't just because school is out. I just got back from a shopping expedition to one of those outlet centers, and there were some very classy places there. I went to Off Saks 5th Avenue, where everything was thirty percent off, and possibly buy one get one half off. I went to look at the suits. There was one there that was only $700, with the discount and all, black with red polka dots. I mean, they were small, relatively subtle polka dots, but nonetheless, why pay 700 bucks for that when you could simply stock up at the Clown College down the road (at a much more attractive price)?
In another corner of the mall was Nieman Marcus, which was having another incredible amazing sale, and I looked at the suits again. There was a brown affair that looked slept in (I think the term is "pre-owned) for just a few hundred dollars more than the polka-dot Saks suit. And honestly, I've never seen so many ties that looked like polyester but claimed to be silk. Maybe that's what the hedge-fund managers who own Arne Duncan are wearing, and they can have it.
But I'm no judge of polyester. Over at the Perry Ellis store, all the suits were polyester, and to my crude eye, every one looked better than the ones at the fancy stores. They still looked kind of chintzy, but unlike the others, I might not mind being caught dead in one. As long as I'm alive, though, I'd just as soon shop in Macy's or some other fairly ordinary place.
A lot of people I know like Ralph Lauren. A few weeks ago, one of my female colleagues was wearing what appeared to be a boy scout shirt. But when I asked her what troop she was in, she pointed out the Ralph Lauren label. At the mall, though, the little polo players had all gotten larger, maybe four inches square. Though my daughter revels in wearing shirts that boast "Aeropostale," I still feel they should be paying me to wear such things.
So I suppose I'm hopeless. After an hour in the sweltering heat, we turned around and came home. We almost bought something for my daughter in Gap, but the long, long line frightened us away for good. I marveled at some shirts that had epaulets. Who needs epaulets in this weather?
I hope everyone reading this is having a great weekend, and doing as little shopping as possible.
Views expressed herein are solely those of the author or authors, and do not reflect views of my employers, the United Federation of Teachers, the MORE Caucus or any other union caucus.
Stories herein containing unnamed or invented characters are works of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.