Wednesday, November 25, 2009

You Better Watch Out

For the last couple of days, my daughter's been walking around the house singing, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." I don't think I ever paid much attention to the lyrics before, and I have to say I find them disturbing. Who the hell is this guy to decide whether I'm naughty or nice? Isn't it kind of subjective? Does he think he's Joel Klein or something?

Also, what the hell is all this about him seeing me when I'm sleeping? Is it really appropriate for this character to watch me in my most private moments? Do people really want some big old guy with a long beard watching what they do in the privacy of their own homes? I thought this was America, land of the free and home of the brave. Why on earth should I make myself more paranoid than usual all because some pipe-smoking overfed weirdo is watching me all the time to make sure I live up to his bizarre expectations? And to make things worse, he's mostly focusing on children.

He's making a list? Is he another Richard Nixon? The whole spying thing really makes you think. Now that we're thinking, what is this freak doing crawling around in your chimney? Actually, at my place he'd end up in a gas burner rather than a fireplace, and I don't think he'd be happy at all. Am I naughty just for not having a fireplace?

Maybe I'd better get through Thanksgiving before pondering all these existential dilemmas. And I wish everyone reading this a great one!
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