Monday, August 24, 2009

Where Have All the Real Men Gone?

You know, a lot of people come up to me on the street and say, "Hey, NYC Educator, what's it like to be a real man?" I tell them it's hard work. For example, fter a long day of being a real man, I'm really tired.

Sometimes people ask me how they can show others what real men they are. I tell them the most important thing is to impress women. For example, before going out on a date with a woman, you might try driving into a brick wall a hundred miles an hour, then brushing yourself off and getting out of the car as though nothing happened. She won't soon forget a guy like you. Alternatively, why not take her to a nice restaurant, pour lighter fluid in your lap, and set yourself on fire? Then continue chatting nonchalantly, as though nothing of consequence is occurring. This will be a date to remember.

The GOP wants us all to be real men. That's why they keep blocking every piece of health care legislation that comes down the pike. Better tens of thousands should have no insurance, and join all the real men. Because real men don't care about stuff like that. They just jump into any situation head first, and if they fall on a block of cement, so be it.

And make no mistake, Republicans opposed Medicare using the same idiotic "socialism" attacks they're using to maintain the status quo today. A few years ago they wanted to privatize socail security, which in hindsight would've been an unmitigated disaster. Now they want to apply the privatization magic to schools. GW sponsored a windfall for corporations, for banks, for pointless wars, but we can't involve government in health care. First, we can't afford it. Second, government can't do anything right (which is why no one our age knows how to read and write). On the other hand, they now say private companies could not compete with a public option.

So--maybe deep inside those real Republican men beat hearts of chickens. I hope they have insurance. I've seen people die for lack of it, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
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