Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Take Cover, New York

Because as yet there's no agreement on mayoral control, Mayor Bloomberg says there will be rioting in the streets. He must be right, since he has all that money. Certainly New Yorkers everywhere will be breaking windows and setting cars on fire.

If Mayor Bloomberg can't have whatever he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants, he's going to hold his breath until his face turns blue. This alone will cause the public to go absolutely nuts.

Also, in case you weren't aware, the Soviet Union is returning, perhaps somewhere downtown. Since this will doubtless result in a foot of snow, people in that area may have to riot more slowly. Rioting is a demanding task, so I suggest all rioters take regular breaks and have a nice bowl of borscht. That's beet soup, for those uninitiated with Soviet cuisine. I also suggest New Yorkers stock up on quality vodka in case mayoral control returns and we go back to the usual American stuff.

Me, I live in the burbs. We have none of the great innovations Mayor Bloomberg has brought New York, and our kids are stuck learning in classrooms rather than crumbling trailers. Also, we can't squeeze nearly as many kids in a room as Mayor Bloomberg can, and are stuck with reasonable class sizes. You can imagine how upset we must be.

However, I may come out and steal a big screen TV if the rioting continues. Please keep me posted when the looting starts, and let me know if you scout a good location. But for goodness sake, be careful where you swing your baseball bat, and riot defensively with protective headgear.

Remember, safety first.

Update: An emailer offers this advice: "Regarding the Soviets, if they confront you, just nod and say "da". They don't speak much English."
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