Thursday, May 21, 2009

Mike Bloomberg, Practical Guy

Mayor Mike is hopping mad that people are going to emergency rooms just because they may have contracted the swine flu. Why do they have to go to such extremes? Wouldn't it be easier, for example, to have their personal physicians visit their brownstones? Aren't they putting themselves at even more needless risk by sitting in crowds of people coughing?

As Mayor-for-life, Michael Bloomberg has learned a thing or two. In fact, the prudent thing might be to go to work, have custodial staff double up stocks of tissues and hand sanitizers, and simply close your office door. Be sure to use your private restroom in the inner office rather than those open to staff. Have the cleaning lady scrub it down hourly, rather than just 12 times a day. Make sure the chef places the silver cover over your meals personally, rather than delegating to mere kitchen staff.

In fact, rather than staying home, you could always have your secretary ring up your private physician and have him visit you in the office. If worse comes to worst and you are sick, you could always have the pair of SUVs that shuttle you from the brownstone to your favorite subway stop take you back home. Perhaps then, and only then, you should call your personal physician.

With just these few simple measures, you protect not only yourself, but also whoever you invite into your private office. Why on earth don't these pain-in-the-neck residents just think this stuff through? It's all clear to the mayor.
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