Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Thank You, Rich People

A commenter on these pages has pointed out that I've been remiss, and have failed to show adequate appreciation for the rich. So I thought I'd try to make up for it.

First of all, thanks to billionaire Mayor Mike Bloomberg. Despite paying teachers the lowest wage in the area, he's managed to make sure New York kids still get the highest class sizes in the state. And he's done away with all that fancy no account nonsense, like classrooms, and managed to squeeze kids into trailers, bathrooms, closets, hallways, and pretty much any space available.

Also, Mayor Mike's not going to let city kids grow up to be pansies, so if he ever does build new schools, they go on toxic waste sites. City kids have the grit to deal with that, and that also saves valuable space for sports stadiums, where season tickets can run tens of thousands of dollars, which ought to be no problem for kids who are already radioactive. And let it not be said that Mayor Bloomberg denied taxpayers the privilege of funding the construction of these stadiums.

Rich people are really having a tough time in this country. It's a privilege to spend trillions fighting their endless wars, and bailing out their banks and companies. Sure, working people are losing their jobs, and their homes, but they ought to be used to the occasional inconvenience here and there. Personally, I'm relieved we didn't fritter away our tax dollars on anything so frivolous as health care for our people, who certainly deserve to drop dead if they don't earn enough to buy health insurance.

And let's have a shout out to those affluent lawyers willing to forgo their livelihoods and commit to do absolutely nothing for the piddling sum of $80,000 a year. This, while lazy ATR teachers collect full salaries for substitute teaching in NYC. How dare they complain? Everyone knows it's a walk in the park to control 34 teenagers who know they won't be seeing you tomorrow. Would these lazy teachers commit to doing the demanding task of nothing whatsoever for only 80K a year?

Finally, let's thank Bill Gates and Eli Broad for financing "reforms," as well as the altruists who donated half a mil to Al Sharpton to pay his taxes so he could push an agenda that assured my students would sit in a trailer behind a 250%-capacity building until the end of time itself. Certainly I lack that sort of vision.

Were I mayor, I'd build new schools instead of new stadiums, even if it meant depriving important people like Eva Moskowitz their 400-K taxpayer-funded salaries. Thank goodness we have Mayor Mike, who can toss a few charter schools into public buildings, get them written up in Gotham Schools, and ignore the overwhelming majority of schoolchildren, thus saving taxpayers a veritable bundle.

Thanks to David Bellel and Schoogal
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