Friday, February 13, 2009

How Can You Lose What You Never Had?

There's a lot of talk about job losses this year. Mayor Bloomberg, who always puts Children First, wants to help them with another innovative "reform"--to wit, firing 15,000 of their teachers. After all, city teachers only teach 34 kids at a time, so why the heck can't they teach 60 and just suck it up? Perhaps part-time UFT President Randi Weingarten will offer it as a concession and get a fifty-dollar bonus for all teachers. Who knows?

But actually, according to newly-elected RNC chairperson and general deep-thinker Michael Steele, you don't have a job to begin with:

"You and I know that in the history of mankind and womankind, government -- federal, state or local -- has never created one job.

So I guess I am unemployed, along with 80,000 other teachers here in Fun City. Those trips I take every morning must be an illusion, and I must not have been cursed out yesterday by the young woman who was mortally offended by my thoughtless suggestion that she was late to class. And the police officer I saw outside doesn't have a job either. The bus driver who whizzed by, and the firefighters whose sirens interrupted me in the trailer...even the custodians who don't clean or repair the trailers are unemployed. The military, the National Guard, right up to the President. None of them have jobs either.

So with this vast unemployment, what are we going to do before postal workers find out they don't have jobs either and begin shooting up the joint? Well, it's hard to say. Mr. Steele's doing his bit for job creation:

Steele is also facing a distraction -- a federal inquiry into allegations that his 2006 Senate campaign paid a defunct company run by his sister for services that were never performed

Sweet. Why must I, then, as an unemployed government worker, keep showing up every day? Well, on the positive side, I do get these paychecks for my nonexistent job, so I really should stop complaining. After all, part-time UFT President Randi Weingarten established a sixth class that is not a class for most teachers in 2005, so why shouldn't we be able to handle a job that isn't a job? It ought to be child's play for us.

What else does the GOP have in mind, besides labeling government workers, a huge portion of the national work force, as unemployed?

Rep. Pete Sessions (R-Tex.) suggested last week that the party is learning from the disruptive tactics of the Taliban, and the GOP these days does have the bravado of an insurgent band that has pulled together after a big defeat to carry off a quick, if not particularly damaging, raid on the powers that be.

Well, as a teacher, I can attest to the need for role models. Odd the things those guys aspire to, though.

Pardon me, but I'm off to the job the government never created for me.
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