For the Teacher

Our friend teacher/poet Abigail E. Myers can still use a few opinions from working teachers for a survey related to her Master's thesis. Please take a few minutes and help her out, if you haven't done so already.

Thanks in advance!

Mr. Bloomberg Places Children First

Before we get to that, let's applaud our new governor, who's planning to tax internet sales, regardless of substantial hurdles.

Critics and even some supporters expect legal challenges, citing a 1992 US Supreme Court ruling they say prohibits a state from forcing a company with no physical presence in a state from collecting the state's sales tax.

Thankfully, the governor does not wish to raise taxes on the wealthy. It's a well-established fact that rich people need money more than the rest of us (Otherwise, how would they be rich?), and naturally we're all grateful for a governor who's sensitive to their needs. Instead, he'll tax our Amazon purchases and find new ways to save on unnecessary expenditures:

Meanwhile, Paterson, to help fill a $4.7 billion deficit, is looking to cut the money the state pays toward accidental death benefits for fallen police and firefighters. Families would collect the same amount of money, but the city would be forced to bear more of the burden.

That's not a big problem, as Mayor Bloomberg can simply cut school budgets even further. After all, it's a well-established fact that rampant overcrowding and the highest class sizes in the state are key elements to successful education. This will give the mayor even more opportunities to place his innovative program into effect.

Now there are a few pesky troublemakers in the State Assembly who fail to see the virtues of more overcrowding and fewer decent facilities. Clearly, they don't understand the concept of "Children First." In keeping with this concept, Mayor Bloomberg cut school budgets instead of tax rebate checks to NYC homeowners. Rather than deprive homeowners of that all-important 400 bucks, here's what Mayor Mike's study proposes if he's forced to pay for education:

The analysis insists sparing the Education Department any cuts, while other agencies shouldered the burden, would force the elimination of 609 sanitation workers and reduce the frequency of trash collections.

That comes on top of the elimination of nearly 4,000 of New York's Finest and more the 500 of its Bravest.

It's a testament to the mayor's foresight that he gave away a billion dollars in tax rebates before getting to this point. After all, if he'd wanted to do this now, people would ask why he's cutting much-needed funds to city agencies Fortunately, the proposed cuts in police and sanitation will have no effect on truly vital projects. Still, some naysayers have the audacity to criticize the mayor, even after he conclusively proved he was willing to cut the funds of "Children First:"

Assemblyman Michael Gianaris (D-Queens) defended the push to spare schools from Bloomberg's ax.

"The state Legislature has gone to the wall to increase education aid for the city. If the city is just going to take the state aid and decrease its own aid, that's not what was intended."

That's an interesting comment. As I recall, Saint Rudy regularly used to use increases in state aid to decrease city aid by an equivalent amount. And I could have sworn that Mayor Mike renounced that practice as a condition of mayoral control. But the issue here, of course, is one of "Children First." Did the mayor place children first? He most certainly did.

What more, really, does anyone need to know?

Thanks to Schoolgal

What Concerns Voters This Year?

Another Mayoral Triumph

Almost 40% of kids in NYC schools are gone by 8th grade, according to NYU researchers. There was not enough data to track them all the way through high school.

A new study is expected to show they all returned and and graduated with honors, but a Tweed spokesperson claimed more time was needed to fabricate the statistics.

Busy Parents Outsource Child Care Overseas

Thanks to Schoolgal

The Tenure Question

I recently wrote about a colleague who told me a change in venue brought his Regents passing rate from about 30% to a much more respectable 90%. He claims he did not at all change his teaching methods, but his new audience was simply much more receptive. Was he a bad teacher at the previous locale? You could perhaps conclude that, but his 32% passing rate was the highest in his old school.

Do his new passing rates make him a great teacher? Not according to him. He claims to be the same teacher he was then, albeit a little older.

Now NYC Schools Chancellor Joel Klein is fighting tooth and nail for the right to be able to grant or deny tenure on the basis of test scores. How do you do that fairly when a simple relocation produces such a radical change in results?

Shall we trust in the good graces of this chancellor? Isn't he the same guy who unilaterally violated the contract via blanket denial of sabbaticals (till the UFT dragged him to court and won)? Isn't he the same guy who's failed to deliver any substantive class size reduction? Isn't he the same guy who went to Albany in order to preserve his right to hire and retain thousands of teachers who'd failed basic competency tests? Is that the sort of person you want to judge teacher quality?

Isn't this the same guy who instituted three separate reorganizations and failed to make any significant improvement in scores he couldn't manipulate? And he now wishes to judge others on a standard he himself has abjectly failed?

Let's simply forget about Chancellor Klein's various double-standards for a moment and examine the situation. According to the DoE, only 1 percent of teachers are denied tenure after three years (and who knows how many get it after its extended?). Whose fault is that?

The overwhelming majority of teachers I know are competent, at the very least. But I've seen some teachers who'd never have landed a Burger King gig, due to the more rigorous interview process. Such teachers would never have been hired in Long Island schools. Whose fault is that?

Tenure can and should be enforced. If the city fails to identify those who don't deserve it, that's plainly the city's fault. If the city chooses to hire based on college credits, or the ability to meet whatever reduced standard it's negotiated with Albany, that's the city's fault too. If the city chooses to hire through bus ads, 800 numbers, intergalactic recruitment schemes, or the capacity to draw breath, that's on them as well.

There was a time when city requirements were higher than those of the state. In fact, I had to take city tests and face the Board of Examiners to get two different city licenses, and that was no walk in the park. Want to "experiment" with "reforms?" Why not try paying the highest salary in the area, rather than the lowest, and utilizing the highest standards, rather than the lowest? Maybe that would work. Who knows? After all, it's just an experiment.

I'm not UFT President Randi Weingarten's biggest fan, not by any means. But tenure issues are not her fault--they're strictly the city's own doing. Tenure laws are enforced in Long Island--I know many teachers who've failed to get it, and every one of them now works for New York City. I can't really attest to their quality, or lack thereof. The obviously bad teachers I know would never have been hired on the island (let alone Taco Bell).

Personally, I think Chancellor Klein would be lost without bad teachers, and despite all his posturing and bluster, will keep them on forever, sending random others to the rubber room as long as possible. After all, without bad teachers, who in the world would he and the mayor blame for their chronic inability to substantively improve this system?

Thanks to Schoolgal

Why Bother?

Here's an interesting article in City Limits by teacher J.B. McGeever, who hails from Jamaca High School. McGreever teaches the "transitional" class, which apparently indicates he caters exclusively to kids who've failed the English Regents exam. But only 30% of the kids are expected to pass, so why would any teacher want that job?

It's particularly unattractive because this year, NYC is secretly monitoring passing scores of certain teachers. Who knows who they may be? Is it fair to measure McGeever against a teacher in Stuyvesant? Could a kid in Stuyvesant possibly fail this test? And if 100% of the Stuyvesant kids pass, does that alone mean they have great teachers?

A teacher is certainly part of the equation. A good one can clarify the requirements, and explain simply how to pass. In fact, this semester I got several classes of ESL kids, all of whom failed the Regents in January. Some have been in the US for a matter of months. Some have been here longer, but against the odds, have managed not to acquire English as most have by now. I think I'll beat 30%, but I wouldn't bet the farm on 60.

The notion that newcomers should take a test designed for people who've been here their entire lives is preposterous. So I tell my kids that anyone who scores 65 or over will get a hundred as a final grade from me. That motivates a few of them, as they sit scribbling furiously in the forced labor camp that is my writing class. But I know it will take more than 11 weeks for some to acquire sufficient English to write coherently.

It's really unfortunate that these kids are deprived of language instruction (which I could certainly provide) so that they can prepare for this test. But as long as Albany deems it wise to require it for graduation, I'll do the best I can for these kids. And if they're monitoring me, I say this--you guys go to Korea, and I'll give you one year to pass the test in Korean.

If you can pull it off, I'll eat my laptop. And it's a pretty heavy one too.

But honestly, why should crazy teachers like McGeever (and me) volunteer to take on these uphill battles when the powers that be choose to surreptitiously spy on us, and quite possibly hold scores against us in the future? Why shouldn't we just battle the APs for the honors classes, grab some great statistics, and forget about the kids who need our help the very most?

Maybe we're just not smart enough.

To Serve You Better

It appears that Sirius will buy out XM and the two satellite radio companies will merge. They were granted licenses in 1997 by the FCC under the condition that neither company could own both licenses, so that there would be competition.

But the DoJ now says AM and FM are competition enough, and that monopoly satellite radio is just fine.

Ms. Weingarten Runs a School

There's trouble in paradise, and it may take more than a spoonful of sugar to fix.

The UFT-run charter school, which was to be perfect in every way, appears to be suffering from some of the same issues that trouble other charters. As a regular reader of both NY Teacher and Edwize, I know Ms. Weingarten has never, ever made a mistake, and no one who works for Ms. Weingarten has ever made a mistake. Naturally, I must suppose they hire perfect teachers who'd happily labor forever under her beneficent leadership.

And naturally, I routinely ignore rumors and email suggesting Ms. Weingarten runs the place like a boot camp.

Still, parents complain of teacher turnover. Doubtless neither they nor the picky pedagogues appreciate the fine work of Ms. Weingarten and her infallible staff. They can be pesky, those parents. Doubtless that's why they had to threaten the top administrator at the UFT school, Rita Danis, in order to get an audience.

And look, after all that trouble, they ended up in The New York Sun anyway. How can this happen to the UFT leadership, who never, ever make mistakes? These darn parents say the UFT leadership is ignoring problems like "lack of security guards, poor communication with administrators, and high teacher turnover." Promptly, UFT bigshots committed to study the issue.

You can imagine how relieved those parents must be. As a teacher, I'm certainly satisfied that the union is studying mayoral control. Perhaps one day they'll come to a conclusion. Meanwhile, I'm well aware that opposing it might jeopardize Ms. Weingarten's political aspirations, thus violating the prime directive of the entire UFT patronage mill (and all the perfect people populating it).

So, naturally, I'm encouraged by all the progress Ms. Weingarten is making:

A regular review of the school issued by the State University of New York's Charter School Institute about the 2006-2007 school year called teacher quality "limited," describing "a lack of student engagement throughout most classrooms" and widespread misbehavior. The report also noted that, "Teachers did not capitalize on 'teaching moments.'"

In any case, the parents got their meeting. In a typical display of the sort of transparency that typifies the workings of our union, a reporter was forbidden to sit in.

As for me, I'm encouraged as usual by the brilliant successes of our Great Leader, Ms. Weingarten. And naturally, I applaud her decision to expand her charter business, opening a Green Dot school here in NYC. There are very few teacher union leaders who'd go out on a limb for a charter chain that proudly rejects both tenure and seniority. No doubt it's such actions that have earned her the admiration and devotion of Rod "The NEA is a terrorist organization" Paige.

Regardless, it certainly appears at the UFT charter school Ms. Weingarten is finally getting a chance to do to schoolchildren what she's been doing to working teachers for years.

Steve Jobs and New I-Products

Cut School Budgets, Give Raises to Out-of-Towners

While Mayor Bloomberg cuts the budgets for the 1.1 million public school children in his fiefdom, he's giving a raise to Cambridge Education, which evaluates city schools on a yearly basis.

They're certainly better-qualified than anyone in this country could possibly be, so it's worth importing them. And naturally, they're getting a 9% raise this year, as Mayor Bloomberg plans to cut funds for kids by 5%. After all, in these tough economic times, Mayor Bloomberg's business partners are in dire need of a 9% raise. After all, teachers are enjoying their 2% raise, and they'll only have to pay 1.85% to buy into 55/27. They've netted a cool .15% raise, so really, the British are only getting about 60 times what the teachers got.

That's fair, isn't it?

And what's a 5% cut to kids in the city, when you really think about it? I mean, after you fly those folks in, put them up in Manhattan, take them out for gala luncheons, and pay for their carfare, someone has to pay. I mean, really, it would be unseemly for Mayor Bloomberg to walk to the subway, rather than being chauffeured in an SUV. I mean, really, doesn't everyone have their chauffeur take them to the subway?

But still, some Gloomy Guses insist on looking at the negative side:

"How do you cut money from the schools, from the children, and give a raise to these consultants that many principals feel are not useful?" said the principal of a Queens middle school that got a middle rating of "proficient" on its Cambridge quality review last year.

It's called "values," Mr. Principal. And there's very little question that "reformer" Mike Bloomberg thinks these folks from England are more valuable than the kids who attend your school.

For goodness sakes, get with the program!

Thanks to Schoolgal

Best 12 Bucks You Ever Spent

Well, Eliot Spitzer had to spend $4,300 to get happy, but if you want to be happy, all you need to do is click here, send Ricky Skaggs 12 measly bucks (he has kids in college, I think), and he will send you a copy of his fabulous CD of bluegrass music from 1946-1947. No cutesy nonsense, this is the real stuff, played and sung by some of the very best in the business. I just heard it and it is absolutely excellent.

And if you buy it before tomorrow, Ricky will autograph your copy.

Full disclosure: NYC Educator does not own stock in Skaggs Family Records.

Education Next Looks at Mr. Bloomberg

On the left, apparently, is what they see. Despite Mayor Bloomberg's well-documented failure to raise test scores he couldn't manipulate, and despite having included an illustration of basically flat results in NAEP, they offer a contrary view:

“Shame, shame!” scolded Whitney Tilson. Tilson, a hedge fund manager and founding member of Teach For America who issues a regular e-mail newsletter about Bloomberg’s education reforms, called the Times story “lousy” and argued that the NAEP scores showed noteworthy improvements in three of the four measures.

Clearly, hedge fund managers are far more knowledgeable than expert historians like Diane Ravitch, or papers like The New York Times, and they, therefore, deserve equal billing, if not the last word (In Education Next, that honor is left to the mayor). Nonetheless, Mr. Tilson's concern for working people is well-documented. That's why he invests so heavily in Wal-Mart and McDonald's. Mr. Tilson states he's made more on McDonald's than on any stock in his investment career (Perhaps Mr. Tilson could offer Chancellor Klein advice on how to remedy his bad investments).

Clearly, those awful unions prevent schools from being run like McDonald's or Wal-Mart. Therefore, they must be stopped, After all, how could McDonald's or Wal-Mart treat working people the way they do if there were unions to contend with? Mr. Tilson now runs a group called "Democrats for Educational Reform." It's clever in a way--with anti-labor, anti-union, pro-Wal-Mart Democrats, who needs Republicans?

Still, when our kids grow up, they will have to work. Personally, I wouldn't trust the good graces of these "Democrats" to protect them. And I doubt they'll want their kids working in Mickey D's either. But really, what are the chances of that when Daddy's a hedge fund manager?

As for the supposedly evil union bosses, what are they concerned about? Well, UFT President Randi Weingarten was interviewed for this article, and upon learning about Mr. Bloomberg's breakfast preferences, inquired:

“I have breakfast with the mayor. Did he tell you that?”

It's a relief to know Ms. Weingarten is concerned, but somewhat of a disappointment to see what she's concerned about. I'm concerned about working people, as I'm fairly certain my child and my students will grow up to join our ranks.

If Mr. Bloomberg cared about schools, he'd make sure that kids in NYC had good teachers, reasonably sized classes, and decent facilities. Unfortunately, Mr. Bloomberg opts for band-aids, shortcuts, "reforms," the highest class sizes in the state (which somehow eluded Education Next), and shoveling children into schools like mine whether or not they can be accommodated.

When I first started, oversized schools were given annexes, or extra buildings to accommodate those who couldn't fit into buildings. Now Mr. Bloomberg's people can build walls in classrooms that house 34 and Voila! These same classrooms now house 68. It's brilliant! Never mind that the sheetrock wall has no soundproofing whatsoever.

Imagine trying to get 6 South American kids to speak English while the teacher next door has her class chorally repeating "Come esta usted?" Imagine clearly hearing every single word uttered in that classroom. Imagine people playing music, dancing and shouting outside your classroom. Imagine a classroom you wouldn't board your dog in. If you can do that, you have an idea of what public school education is like in Mr. Bloomberg's New York.

Over at Education Next, they don't bother visiting classrooms. Why should they? They have "experts" to rely on. As they have no apparent need to examine what actually goes on as Mr. Bloomberg places "Children First," it's no wonder Diane Ravitch quit their ranks.

Webmaster's Note

There is no need to repost your comment five times. This is particularly true if I happen to have removed it the first time. While the sixth time may be a charm elsewhere, it is not so here.

If you wish to personally insult or libel me, I suggest you apply to write for Edwize. Over there, it's perfectly acceptable to accuse me of making up things I didn't even say. Here, we frown on that sort of thing (Of course, it's still a great honor to pay the salaries of Edwize writers).

If you increase the level of profanity in your posts, or the number of words in caps, it is not very likely to make me think, "Gee, I made a mistake before when I didn't put up that first post."

Finally, you need not be a teacher to post here. However, if you claim to be one and are not, and I actually catch you, you will not be welcome here.

Thank you.

Leadership

I listened to Chancellor Klein yesterday on NPR. When Brian Lehrer asked him whose fault the budget cuts were, he pointed to the state, but would not say one cross word against his boss, Mayor Bloomberg. Apparently, the state has an obligation to follow the mandate of the CFE lawsuit, but when the city cuts budgets, it's just one of those minor inconveniences you have to put up with.

One problem with mayoral control is that there are no checks and balances. Of course Chancellor Klein can't speak against the mayor, because his job depends on total agreement and capitulation. They can proclaim "Children First" from now until doomsday, but the fact is this chancellor, whose job is ostensibly to represent these children, cannot do so if it displeases Mayor Mike.

He is, therefore, ultimately of little use to the 1.1 million kids who attend city schools.

Or perhaps he's simply forgotten that the CFE award was reduced by more that half as a result of Mayor Mike's refusal to agree to pay dime one toward it. The judge said the city could be forced to pay a reasonable perentage, Governor Pataki offered to fund 60% of it, and CFE, if I recall correctly, suggested the state ought to pay 75%. Mayor Bloomberg's rep told the New York Times they'd say, "No, thank you," to the funds if they had to pay anything whatsoever.

And the problem doesn't end at this level. What if your school, like mine, is at 250% capacity? Can the principal go to the press and say, "This is outrageous and unconscionable," without the very real possibility of becoming an ex-principal? It doesn't seem a viable possibility these days.

Who will stand up for kids? Well, what about the UFT leadership? You'd think they'd oppose this administration, which regularly vilifies educators, which violates the contract with impunity unless courts compel it to do otherwise, which follows every fresh concession by the union with a slap in the face to working teachers. You'd think they'd have had enough of mayoral control (even though they supported it to begin with).

Unfortunately, the policy of the UFT is to never, ever admit mistakes. And despite their many words in the past devoted to mayoral control, it appears they're already flying the white flag of surrender. This week, UFT bigshot Peter Goodman suggested on Edwize that anyone who wanted mayoral control to expire was "cynical."

"Cynical" denotes having no faith in human nature. It's hard to understand why favoring checks and balances over mayoral control is cynical. It's fairly easy, though, to think of words for those who fail to learn from past mistakes, and "cynical," I'm afraid, is not among them.

Expect no meaningful opposition to mayoral control from the UFT. It's clearly more important to have a quiet coronation for Ms. Weingarten, who's already stated her plans to concurrently reign over both the UFT and the AFT. After all, being president of the largest teacher union in the country is, apparently, just a part time job.

Don't Contradict the Teacher

Be glad you're not working in Oregon, because things must be really tough out there. In fact, teacher Shirley Katz thinks the schools are so dangerous that she needs to bring her Glock 9 to work with her. I gotta suppose classroom management goes a lot smoother when you're packing.

Personally, when I know someone's carrying a gun, I tend not to give that person a hard time. And no matter how rambunctious teenagers may be, it's tough for me to imagine them picking fights with gun-toting teachers.

I myself wouldn't carry a gun under any circumstance as I have a constant fear of shooting myself in the foot. Also, I bought several pairs of new shoes this year at a closeout sale, and if I were to shoot holes in them, it would definitely be full-price to replace them.

In any case, sadly for Ms. Katz, the courts have thus far denied her petition. She will, therefore, have to face her students unarmed. I certainly wish her luck in that always challenging endeavor.

Look! Up in the Sky!

It's a bird!

It's a plane!

It's Su-per-Principal!

Super-Principal! Able to lead a small school in a single subway ride! Able to bend potentially embarrassing statistics in her bare hands! And who, disguised as someone working in a failing school, gets to collect a $25,000 bonus even though the city claims the school is fine, having given it a "B."

Meanwhile, in another part of town, 75% of city high schools are overcrowded. Who will save the day?

Nobody, that's who. There are still charter schools that need space. First things first in Mr. Bloomberg's New York.

The Carnival...

...of education is up and running at So You Want to Teach. And somehow they're on a spring break already.

The Only Variable Is the Teacher

That's what ex-Deputy Chancellor Alonso used to say, and as far as I can tell, that philosophy still pervades Tweed. After all, "accountability" doesn't apply to the mayor, who failed to increase test scores in national tests he couldn't manipulate. And it certainly doesn't apply to Chief Accountability Officer Jim Liebman, who literally runs from concerned city parents. Still, test scores are everything to this mayor, apparently, as he lets school buildings crumble and packs children into overcrowded buildings like sardines.

So is it all on teachers?

This morning I was talking to a social studies teacher who told me his former school was not as good as the one in which we work now. In his former school, he had the very best passing record for the Regents exam--32%. In our current school, 91% of his kids pass the test. He swears he's the same teacher, using the same methods, and even contends that he may have had more energy in the old days.

There are three elements to good schools--good teachers, reasonable class sizes, and decent facilities. In NYC, where none of these elements are regarded as important, the three elements are exactly what the real estate agents say they are---location, location, and location.

This afternoon I was telling one of my students that he was lucky to be in one of the best schools in the city. He said he'd seen better. I asked him what school was better than ours, and he named a school on Long Island. I couldn't argue with him at all. My daughter attends a school on Long Island, and it's nothing less than disgraceful that uber-"reformer" Michael Bloomberg refuses to give this kid what every kid should have.

Untangling The Wire

Here's a four-part video discussion about The Wire. If you're a fan you may want to check it out.

Thanks to Sol Bellel

Clean Up this Mess (But Not Too Much)!

Yesterday the Panel for Education Policy, mostly rubber stamps for Bloomberg and Klein, decided that 8th graders would have to pass tests and classes, or they wouldn't become 9th graders. A large group of parents protested, and I saw a news report ths morning stating they had to clear the room. In the end, of course, they ignored the parents and did what they wanted. The sole holdout, Manhattan rep Patrick Sullivan, faced 10 votes of approval.

Oddly, this is the same administration that's floated the idea of giving kids credit for "seat time," and the same administration that's been pressuring teachers to pass as many students as possible. It's a strange message, and I saw it acted out at a meeting I attended yesterday.

At first, we were told to get tough on latecomers. Fail them, and tell them you're failing them because they were late to class. It was a surprising message.

But then, it was followed by a brainstorming session on how to pass as many kids as possible. One teacher suggested allowing the students to make up their own cheat sheets. From this teacher's experience, making up the cheat sheets was an alternate mode of note-taking. And there was no doubt that students tended to get higher scores when they brought their sanctioned cheat sheets with them.

Another teacher suggested pairing up low-performing students with high-performing students during tests. This teacher found that when the students were paired up in such a fashion, the formerly low-performing students tended to get grades exactly as high as the high-performing students.

The last teacher offered a plan to give half-credit for corrected answers on tests. For example, if you get a 50 on a test, you correct it in class, hand it to the teacher, and your 50 automatically becomes a 75. This teacher was able to pass many more students with higher grades via this method.

There was talk about intervisitation so that backwards traditional-style teachers who simply taught the material, gave tests and graded them could learn the new way. At the next meeting, I'm going to suggest that I team up with the principal and that we halve our pooled salaries. I have no desire to do his job or put in the hours he does, but I want to see how far exactly this new paradigm will take us.

"Bear Sterns Is Fine!"

Here's some great video of CNBC's Jim Cramer, host of Mad Money, explaining last week why a viewer shouldn't sell Bear Sterns stock: "Bears Sterns is not in trouble...Bear Sterns is fine!"

Gee, once again Jim Cramer couldn't have been more wrong about a stock (if you want to see his track record on stocks, see this article from Barron's.)

And yet, there was Mr. Cramer on a CNBC special tonight about the Bear Sterns collapse to provide his "expertise" without noting how he had been absolutely, totally and completely wrong about Bear Sterns the week before.

Once again, we see how accountability is only for public school teachers.

H/T to TPM.

The Downside of Reading

Harold's in 4th grade, and his mom has to force him to read. He reads the books, and does his reports, but now his mom has other worries. It started on Saturday, while they were out to lunch. All of a sudden he stopped eating and looked at her very seriously. He paused for a moment.

"Mom," he said, "I want a very special card for my birthday."

"I think we can do that, Harold," she replied.

Then there was another pause, a longer one this time.

"Mom," he began, "I also want a very special present."

"What is it you want, Harold?" she asked.

"I want a jet pack."

"You want a what?"

A jet pack, Mom. Like the boy in the book had."

"But you can't just buy a jet pack, Harold."

"Yes you can, Mom. My friend says he saw one in Target."

"Why do you need a jet pack, Harold?"

"So I can visit Grandma in California."

"Okay, Harold. We'll go to Target right now. But I have to warn you, the jet pack may not get you to California."

After a very, very thorough search of their local Target store, neither Mom nor Harold encountered a jet pack of any kind. Fortunately, Harold called Grandma to give her the bad news. Grandma promised Harold she'd get him a jet pack before he visits this summer.

Harold can't wait.

Collapse

I've been blogging for a while at NYCEducator about problems in the financial and economic sectors.

With the collapse of Bear Sterns this morning, those problems have grown immensely.

The ironic thing is that as of last Thursday, S&P said all was well in the financial sector and that most bank writeoffs related to the mortgage mess were over.

The Dow Jones, which had been down all day, responded with a triple point turn-around and finished the day up.

But behind the scenes on Thursday, there was a run on Bear Sterns, the fifth largest brokerage in the country with tons of investments in garbage mortgage securities.

By Thursday night, Bear Sterns told the Federal Reserve they might have to file bankruptcy.

As a result of Bear's impending collapse, a bunch of laissez faire capitalists who hate government regulation and intervention got together to try and save Bear.

By Sunday night, J.P. Morgan had agreed to purchase Bear Sterns for $236 million in a deal brokered by the Fed. On Friday afternoon, Bear Sterns had been worth $3.5 billion and as of January 2007 Bear Sterns was worth $20 billion. Now it was being sold for about $2 a share, truly a firesale.

To get J.P. Morgan to purchase Bear Sterns and keep this financial crisis related to the mortgage mess from spreading to other vulnerable banks like Lehman and Citigroup, the Federal Reserve is providing as much as $30 billion in financing for Bear Stearns's less-liquid assets, such as mortgage securities that the firm has been unable to sell.

In other words, the Federal Reserve is buying a bunch of crap mortgage securities that are worthless for $30 billion.

Barry Ritholtz at The Big Picture wonders just who is buying Bear Sterns, J.P. Morgan or the Federal Reserve.

It kinda sounds like this is a government bailout to help out a bunch of laissez faire capitalists who made some awful (and greedy decisions) over the past few years.

It's funny how all these laissez faire capitalists hate government bailouts unless they are on the other end of it.

At any rate, rumors are swirling that Lehman Brothers will be next to collapse and that Citigroup could go to.

It is not in the country's interest to have these major financial institutions collapse even if the reasons why they are vulnerable to collapse are due to their own misguided and/or greedy decisions so I can understand why the Fed needed to step in to avoid a possible financial system meltdown.

Nonetheless, the next time some billionaire businessman or greedy hedge fund manager tells us in print that the problem in education is that there is no accountability and what we need to do is bring more business and corporate principles to education to make sure the system, the administrators and the teachers are held accountable for their performances, let's ask the billionaire businessman and greedy hedge fund manager where the accountability in this mortgage crisis is.

Another Great Reform

Chancellor Klein, in yet another revolutionary improvement to our troubled school system, has banned "Pizza Day" at PS 193 in Queens. Apparently, young students were exchanging money for a dangerous product that consisted of several habit-forming substances including, but not limited to, bread, tomato sauce, and a cheese product described only as "mozzarella."

Furthermore, the proceeds of this nefarious act were being utilized by its perpetrators for highly questionable purposes:

Proceeds from the pizza parties pumped $200 a month into the PTA's budget - meaning thousands of dollars a year for teacher grants, supplies and funding for the yearbook, graduation festivities and school dances. The extra cash is crucial in the face of citywide budget cuts.

How dare this "PTA" attempt to circumvent vital and necessary school budget cuts? If Mayor Bloomberg and Chancellor Klein feel the best route toward improving schools entails leaving them crumbling and overcrowded with less money to function, that must be the way to go. Besides, he had several great reasons for this important act, and offered them one after the other:

Parents said they were first told that it was a nutrition issue, then that the fund-raiser violated a chancellor's regulation that bars for-sale food from competing against and replacing school-provided lunch.

Well, there you go. You see? Now how on earth are city school cafeterias supposed to sell their dry overcooked cardboard pizza-like product when real professionally-baked pizza is being imported for illicit consumption? We're lucky to have Mayor Bloomberg and Chancellor Klein keeping "Children First" and devoting their time to important issues, rather than wasting it on costly non-starters like class size, overcrowding, or decrepit facilities. After all, if we were to reduce class sizes and relieve overcrowding, we could lose much-needed funds for sports stadiums, not to mention space for new charter schools.

Along with "reformers" everywhere, I once again applaud their vision and courage.

What We Got Here Is a Failure to Communicate

Are you having trouble getting your point across to 34 kids at a time? Do you find that your puny voice pales in comparison to all those teenagers? Well, here's a solution of sorts--why don't you get a microphone and set up a mini-PA system in your classroom?

A handful of school districts, including those in West Orange, N.J., and Ann Arbor, Mich., are putting amplification in every classroom, while scores of others are requiring the systems in elementary schools.

This year, the Seattle district is spending $1.5 million to outfit 1,200 elementary classrooms, and 125 libraries and gyms, with microphones and speakers. The Ohio School Facilities Commission requires all new buildings and renovations financed with state aid to be wired for amplification, and many schools built in Florida and Michigan over the past few years also have the technology.

New York City is also investing in this technology. In West Orange, one school has seen a very significant boost in passing test scores since adopting it--from 59% to over 89%. But there's another school of thought:

“I’m appalled. This is the triumph of marketing over science,” said David Lubman, a fellow of the Acoustical Society who lives in California. “In most cases, they’re putting it in as a substitute for good acoustics. In other words, instead of cutting down the noise, they’re blasting over the noise, so the net result is more noise.”

Michal Linker, a kindergarten teacher here in Millburn, turned off the microphone after finding that with it, she was talking louder and drinking more tea to soothe her throat. Instead, Ms. Linker, 50, whispers to her students to get their attention, and rewards them for lowering their voices, listening more and using hand gestures during quiet times.

“I would rather they stop and pay attention than make it easier for them to hear me so they don’t pay as much attention,” she said.

Now something like this might help me when there are a hundred kids dancing to a boombox set outside my door. But why on earth is there a dance class and a boombox outside my door? Maybe if there were adequate space utilized in a rational fashion I wouldn't need amplification. Perhaps this technology is helpful to some, but I question its value in NYC. If there's already too much noise, do we really help by creating more?

I'm also concerned that people like Mayor Bloomberg, who steadfastly cling to the highest class sizes in the state, would use technology like this as an excuse to rationalize its continuation. After all, while 75% of high schools are overcrowded, he takes no action to alleviate this situation. Instead, the whole city is busily seeking space for new charter schools.

Mr. Bloomberg loves band-aids, as real solutions cost money. This band-aid could allow him to continue to thumb his nose at the CFE lawsuit and also continue to reap its benefits while ignoring its mandates. While this technology may work elsewhere, it's got great potential for abuse here in fun city.

What do you think? Would you be a better teacher if you had a microphone?

Salary Woes?

Why not do something innovative? I mean, don't you get sick and tired of helping kids fill out college applications? Writing recommendations? After a while, they all get to be a blur. But if you're enterprising, you can simply record those social security numbers, and put them in a safe place. In a few years, the kids will be in college, and soon thereafter, with any luck, they'll be gainfully employed.

That's when you use those numbers to open a credit-card account and buy all those things you've been needing. What about that pinky ring you've always wanted? How about trying one of those $4,300 hookers you've been hearing so much about? What about grabbing that collectible DVD that has season one of the Smurfs? Sure, there are 5 million Smurfs and only one Smurfette, but you won't care, what with your $4,300 hooker and all.

And when you get caught, you'll get to go someplace where you get three squares a day, free health care, and no more bills. What more could you ask?

What's This Thing For?

I often read Pissed Off Teacher to find out exactly what angers her from day to day. It appears that today, she's upset about a fellow math teacher who knows all the angles but doesn't care to teach them. To tell the truth, I barely understand what she's talking about.

At my school, in the lunchroom, all the teachers talk except for the math teachers, who are furiously drawing triangles. Why do they need to draw all those triangles? Aren't there enough of them already? When will their lust for angles ever be satisfied? If we bought them all three-cornered hats, would they talk to the rest of us? Would they eat?

Sometimes I thank God I don't have to study math any more. Then I come home, my daughter has pictures of 500 triangles, and she asks me to explain them to her. Are those teachers drawing all those triangles just to confound hapless parents like me? Do they go home and chuckle over our ignorance?

Honestly, I don't know how those math folks can do what they do. But if you're one of them, please fess up. What's with this triangle fetish anyway?

Administrative Leave

That's what they call what happens to a 35-year-old English teacher caught with films from the girl's bathroom.