Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Bless the Researchers

Researchers at a Texas university have determined if you wake up early in the morning, you're likely to perform better academically. It now appears that staying up all night drinking, drugging and whoring does not actually result in higher grades. For one thing, you may not feel well after such nights. This may result in complicated hangover remedies, fights with noisy neighbors, and potentially troublesome misunderstandings.

After much study, the researchers have determined that if you do spend your nights drinking, drugging and whoring, it might be advisable to schedule your classes after 11 AM. After all, college professors who don't share your predilections may be touchy about your stumbling into their classes and, say, vomiting on their shoes.

One researcher came to the conclusion it's "easier to get to your classes on time and study if you get up earlier." This strongly suggests that people who rise at 8 are more likely to make it to 9 AM classes than those who rise at 10. In fact, it's entirely possible that folks who rise at 10 have a hard time getting to those 9 AM classes.
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