Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Mr. Klein's New Reform

NYC Schools Chancellor Joel Klein has decided to simply dump the 10 regions that have been controlling the schools. In order to put more control in classrooms, he's going to give principals more choices "After all," pondered the chancellor, "who spends more time in classrooms than principals?"

A reporter started to say something about teachers, but inexplicably choked to death mid-comment.

The schools will spend somewhere between 30-150K a year to join whatever plan the principal sees fit. Hopefully, test scores will improve. If they do not, Mr. Klein plans to point his finger at the principals in question, who will slowly suffocate to death. "Light sabers are overrated," chuckled Mr. Klein, who opts for a personal touch whenever possible.

Assistant principals will be promoted on the spot to fulfill the duties of the departed.

Chancellor Klein expressed empathy for the concerns of teachers and parents, who were not consulted on the most recent reorganization. He assured us, however, that it would be more effective than previous reorganizations. "I know I said that about other reorganizations, he pointed out, "but this time I really mean it. "

The chancellor expressed regret that his efforts were not appreciated by parents.

"Think of all the times I don't point my finger and choke them to death. Think of all the times I don't make them wait for hours on freezing days for buses," he pointed out. "Do they ever thank me for that? Of course not."

Mr. Klein then muttered something under his breath, made some loud breathing noises, and headed off to a gala luncheon with the emperor.
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