Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Mr. Allworthy and the Birds

Mr. Allworthy was a fine principal. He had attended the Leadership Academy, and studied at the feet of Jack Welch. His appearance was immaculate. Every day his suit was perfectly pressed and his tie perfectly knotted. He could walk into any teacher's classroom and find fault with everything and anything that was happening. He had a framed commendation from Chancellor Klein on his wall and took great pains to wear his hair precisely as the chancellor did.

But one day, the president of the PTA presented him with a gift. It was a pair of parrots in a cage, to represent the relationship between school and parents, or so she said. He thanked her, and gratefully accepted the gift.

The next day, when a very important visitor from Tweed dropped by, one of the parrots said, "We're hookers. How about a good time, sailor?"

"First one's a freebie," chirped in the other one.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked the bigwig from Tweed, very much perturbed by the spectacle in Mr. Allworthy's office. "What if Chancellor Klein were to hear this?" Naturally, Mr. Allworthy was horrified by the very thought of this.

Mr. Allworthy wondered what to do. He couldn't return the parrots, since he had express instructions to behave as though he valued the feelings and opinions of parents. The wisest person in the school, of course, was Mr. Solomon, the assistant principal, and an ordained raabi to boot. Mr. Allworthy went to seek his advice.

"It's your lucky day, Mr. Allworthy," said Mr. Solomon, clapping his hands together with delight. "It just happens that I too have a pair of parrots. But my parrots are much better behaved. They spend all of their time reading the bible and praying. They know all the prayers, and are fluent in Hebrew. Why don't you bring your parrots by after school and have them spend some time with my birds? I'm sure they'll be a wholesome influence."

After school, Mr. Allworthy, with much trepidation, took the birds to Mr. Solomon's home. He was surprised to see Mr. Solomon's birds wearing yarmulkes and prayer shawls, and earnestly chanting prayers. But as soon as he put down his birdcage, his first parrot said, "We're hookers. How about a good time, sailor?"

"First one's a freebie," said the other.

One of Mr. Solomon's parrots looked up and opened his eyes very wide. Then he turned to his companion and said, "Shlomo, you can stop now. Our prayers have been answered."

Thanks to Schoolgal
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