Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The White House Dictionary

from Jumper Bailey's Bully Pulpit -

Bubble: (n) A term used by people on the outside to refer to the world as we know it.

Checks and Balances: (n) Not in this dictionary.

Cheney: (v) To shoot something, be it a fellow hunter, the truth, or the democratic process.

Condi: (v) To put on a happy face and give the most optimistic view possible of situations that everyone else thinks are spinning out of control.

Congress: (n) Troublesome fools who are starting to ask too many questions.

Constitution: (n) A flexible document that people on the outside take far too seriously.

Domestic Agenda: (n) A list of catchy phrases to be used on backdrops at presidential photo opportunities.

Law, The: (n) A set of rules that applies to other people.

Presidency: (n) A blissful state infused with divine purpose in which people tell one what one wants to hear and spare one the depressing details.

President: (n) One sworn to uphold the Constitution of the United States with caveats, exceptions, and waivers of terms and conditions as the spirit moves one.

Presidential Adviser: (n) Babysitter.

Press: (n) A collection of newspapers, magazines, and broadcast media outlets which can be useful for dispensing spin. Not to be trusted, however, as they occasionally print and broadcast depressing stories and photographs which upset people.

Press Conference: (n) A forum for dispensing spin and hoping people will buy it.

Privacy: (n) The state of keeping things away from the eyes of others. Applicable to policy formation, facts requested by Congressional committees, and bad news. Not applicable to citizens' telephone calls or library records.

Treasury: (n) A line of credit with no limit for weaponry and tools for surveillance, and a $200 limit for everything else.
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