Monday, August 29, 2005

Principal's Message

Welcome back, everyone! I know you’re all energized from your well-deserved summer break, and if you’re anything like me, you just can’t wait to get out there and get started. Let me start out by saying this is gonna be a great year! What? Yes, I know I said that last year, and we all know what last year was like. But this year is gonna be really, really good. No, not like the year before that, either.

Now let’s get down to it. The Chancellor has some important new incentives and ideas, and I know you’re gonna be as thrilled as I am to hear about them. First of all, lateness. Lateness is out. We want to see the kids on time this year. What? Well, yes, we wanted them on time last year, too. Yes, I know what happened last year, and I’d rather not…no, let’s not talk about the year before that either. So, remember, lateness is out, right there with portfolios…yes, I know I said portfolios were necessary, but that was the old paradigm…what’s a paradigm?, I’m sorry there is not a contract, but…I’m sure the Chancellor is doing..okay, let’s settle down, now…

Point number two is putting the desks in circles…now we can’t require that you do that, but the custodians will be re-arranging them like that on a nightly basis, for your convenience, so please let’s….no, I don’t know when there will be a contract, can we just…no, let’s not talk about last year.

Most importantly, let’s talk about class size. Well, no, it hasn’t changed, but…yes, of course I agree that smaller classes would be better, but here’s the thing…well, yes, but let’s focus on how we can have the effect of smaller classes without actually reducing the size…yes, I know we’re overcrowded, but…well, there are four hundred new students this year and…yes, we will be breaking more classrooms in half and…no, the new walls are not soundproofed but…no, we haven’t soundproofed the old ones, either, but have you considered that maybe some of you are teaching TOO LOUDLY…and the art of pantomime is largely neglected, so…no, I told you I’d rather not talk about last year.

Finally, bulletin boards, no, the Chancellor was very clear about how many staples to use, and I don’t want a repeat of last year…yes, I know I said I wouldn’t talk about it, but…no, there’s no contract, but that doesn’t mean…Okay, I’m going to turn the floor over to Miss Pewterschmidt, who will talk about Right to Know...yes I know you’ve heard it before, but…Miss Pewterschmidt?
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